How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby ImStruggling » 15th June, 2018, 11:18 am

Alright so I've never been in a relationship before (I'm not comfortable with my sexuality in public yet) and whenever I see a gay couple/relationship either portrayed in media or online, everything seems oversexualized? It's hard to explain, but they're always either fucking, talking about fucking, groping each other or talking about how hot each other are as far as I've seen (no, I'm not getting these ideas from porn as they're obviously inaccurate).
I've also heard some people are only in relationships with one another is because they can't find another gay guy or they just want to fuck.

What I'm asking is, are genuine relationships hard to find or am I just looking in the wrong places? To me what I'd call "genuine" is hanging out, enjoying each other's company, going out shopping together, eating dinner or watching Netflix together, you know, cute stuff like that. Have any of you guys experienced any of these?

Sorry if this is a kind of stupid question or if the wording is all over the place haha
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Circles » 15th June, 2018, 12:07 pm

I found a really insightful quote that, while not directly addressing the question you pose, really struck me as a profound observation:

“Gay sex life, unlike straight sex life, is never a private matter. When a man and a woman walk hand in hand, it is their love that they make public. When two men walk hand in hand, it is their sex life that they make public… Our words are acts; our privacy is public. This reality stems from the nature of homophobia.”


I don't know the origin of this quote, but it really resonated with me. I think maybe that it explains a lot of the representation of gays we see in media? And I think a lot of that kind of attitude is internalized. Culture shapes individuals just as individuals shape culture. It's a complex subject and I won't do it any justice.

But just know yes, "genuine" relationships exist among people of any kind, and you absolutely can find people who want that. Everything you listed I've shared with someone else in really blissful moments. Definitely attainable.

You're really young. I didn't even meet another gay person my age until I was 18. They're out there.
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Dolly » 15th June, 2018, 2:04 pm

I think it stems more from men being men. The whole stereotype behind straight guys is that they're hypersexual. Put two of them together as gays and what do you think happens?

But yes, I agree the community is very sexual. It is possible to find a relationship not based on sex; it's just something that would have to be established early on.
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Baxtiyoraxrorov.90 » 16th June, 2018, 11:10 pm

Я гей
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Rwinter96 » 16th June, 2018, 11:25 pm

Baxtiyoraxrorov.90 wrote:Я гей

Good for you, so is everyone else :P
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby devedani » 17th June, 2018, 6:16 pm

There's a handful of decent gays. It's difficult to find a stable, genuine relationship because gays are promiscuous by nature, so it's hard for us to settle and/or stick to one person. That's why Grindr exists. However, there is a chance you'll find "The One"
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Wayde » 18th June, 2018, 9:10 am

I mean, not meeting him on Grindr is probably a good first step... Find someone you like, and who likes you, based on things other than sex. For example, I was very upfront with my guy when we first started talking about the fact that I am a virgin and I want to take things slow. He isn't, and he's had a stent in his past where he did hookups for a while, but he respects that I want to take things slow. We like each other for who we are, not what we look like, and it works great for us.
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby 1day » 26th June, 2018, 12:41 am

devedani wrote:gays are promiscuous by nature"


Are we though?
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby KrisCross » 26th June, 2018, 5:53 am

Dolly wrote:I think it stems more from men being men. The whole stereotype behind straight guys is that they're hypersexual. Put two of them together as gays and what do you think happens?

Tea. Aside from just being men, I believe gays are also more open towards and about sex, which just pushes the image more.

None of those are bad things though and I personally just hate the whole 'I can't find true love cause gays just wanna fuck' narrative that so many gays just keep repeating. Almost every gay out there wants to find a boyfriend and settle down eventually, being promiscuous doesn't really say anything about a person's romantic goals. Genuine relationships are as easy or as hard to find as your situation (age, location, etc.) makes them to be. I think growing up with a sexuality that deviates from the 'norm' makes us more likely to be openminded and as a result, a lot of gays just realize that sex is not a big deal and that they don't have to follow societal expectations when it comes to relationships.
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby devedani » 28th June, 2018, 1:53 pm

My last reply came off negative - what i meant is you need to find the right bunch. Find a good place to start, and stick there as long as you can.
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby TheBrunswickian » 29th June, 2018, 5:41 am

devedani wrote:My last reply came off negative - what i meant is you need to find the right bunch. Find a good place to start, and stick there as long as you can.

literally no one cared, stop bumping threads where the discussion is dead
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Dolly » 29th June, 2018, 12:30 pm

lol so now the mods are gonna cry and whine because someone wants to be active on the forum
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby devedani » 29th June, 2018, 1:56 pm

I'm gonna post a lot hun - i'd rather not have a grey, bleak name.
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Lochlan » 29th June, 2018, 5:26 pm

devedani wrote:I'm gonna post a lot hun - i'd rather not have a grey, bleak name.

You literally last used the discord 3 days ago sis what do you have to gain from this?
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Dolly » 30th June, 2018, 12:49 am

why are u so annoying lochlan let this boy be active on the forum... geez no wonder ppl dont like u
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Lochlan » 30th June, 2018, 5:20 am

Dolly wrote:why are u so annoying lochlan let this boy be active on the forum... geez no wonder ppl dont like u

I'm very clearly despised :wtc: I shall take my leave from GTF! I see I'm not longer wanted here!
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Kaspar » 30th June, 2018, 11:39 am

Lochlan wrote:
Dolly wrote:why are u so annoying lochlan let this boy be active on the forum... geez no wonder ppl dont like u

I'm very clearly despised :wtc: I shall take my leave from GTF! I see I'm not longer wanted here!

Were you in the first place though? 🤔
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby Rwinter96 » 30th June, 2018, 6:24 pm

Kaspar wrote:
Lochlan wrote:
Dolly wrote:why are u so annoying lochlan let this boy be active on the forum... geez no wonder ppl dont like u

I'm very clearly despised :wtc: I shall take my leave from GTF! I see I'm not longer wanted here!

Were you in the first place though? 🤔

I know right? You were so unwanted someone travelled all the way from Poland just to tell you :P
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Re: How hard is it to find a genuine gay relationship?

Unread postby TheBrunswickian » 2nd July, 2018, 9:23 am

Lochlan wrote:
Dolly wrote:why are u so annoying lochlan let this boy be active on the forum... geez no wonder ppl dont like u

I'm very clearly despised :wtc: I shall take my leave from GTF! I see I'm not longer wanted here!

thank god
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