I dont know what to do

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I dont know what to do

Unread postby ckiwi » 6th June, 2018, 6:29 pm

I feel stuck. A couple of years back I told someone that I might be gay and that I'm confused. I should have never done that because for some reason they wanted to get back at me for something I did (that wasn't a big deal at all). He thought it'd be a good idea to tell the whole fucking school I was gay when I didn't even know what I was at the time. So everyone knew, he apologized ( he thought it'd be a rumor that lasted like two weeks (he was wrong)). Basically, since then I've been battling with depression and anxiety, and I'm not sure if that relates to what happened with the guy and the rumors, but it all lined up at around the same time. Now flash forward three years to now, and I'm still battling with depression and anxiety. I have a therapist now but it isn't helping, but that's beside the point. But now since it been three years and I've had like four boyfriends, everyone has completely forgotten the gay thing and now just thinks it straight again. But last year I had a boyfriend for almost a year, I started to fall in love, and then we broke up bc I didn't love myself so I wasn't ready to love someone else, and I was attracted to him, so I never thought anything of it. But after him, I haven't been attracted to a guy since, and I've been with two guys since then and nothing. I haven't thought any guy was hot; I'm just not attracted to any guy. I have always been attracted to girls but I've only been with one in my life, and she was a shitty girlfriend who cheated on me (long story). There's also no other girls who are out at my school except the girls that I'm not attracted too. So basically I want to experiment bc I have no clue whats going on. I don't know if I'm bi or straight ( i know I'm not 100% straight) or fully gay ( i think it not bc that one guy who I was extremely attracted too). I just don't know who I am, and it's honestly the worst feeling in the world, not knowing who you are, and every day my mental state just keeps getting worse because of it. I just need help and advice on what I should do and how I can find my way.
Last edited by ckiwi on 6th June, 2018, 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sincerely, Kiwi
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Re: I dont know what to do

Unread postby Fadi » 6th June, 2018, 7:12 pm

:heart: Hey Kiwi! Thanks for putting on the courage to talk about this subject! Some people might find it hard to open up and talk about that issue. Believe me I've gone through a life crisis figuring out what I am and being scared of who I might be or not might be in the past, and sometime in the present. It's okay to be confused and unsure where you stand, it's a common process everyone goes through tbh.

I can give you for example that within 5 years from now till present I jumped from Gay to Bi to Straight to Bi to Gay and finally to Bi.

Even tho I technically do not see me as perfectly Bi, I feel like it's the closest to what makes me comfortable, don't worry it takes time a lot of time but to be honest, I only recently figured out (and thank to fellow GTF users and friends that helped me understand), finding who you are shouldn't be your top priority and main concern in life nor labeling yourself!

You will eventually find out who you are but don't make it a crucial discovery in life, it will come to you itself sooner than you think! I say the best thing you can do is to put that priority down and just focus on your self, your desires, dreams, goals and how you feel and what you feel towards yourself, others, times, activities, your days instead! You will feel much better when you just do what you feel like doing instead of trying to find where you stand so fast!

I hope it helps! :heart:
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