What should I do?

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What should I do?

Unread postby WOLFwag » 12th August, 2017, 11:14 pm

[wiki]OK, so two years ago, before I officially came out to anyone,
I met this cute guy at my school and I developed this weird kind-of crush on him, where I'm jealous of him but I also like him. Because I was still trying to suppress my sexuality, I was super rude to him and basically made his life miserable for half of the year. Fast forward a year and a half, and I apologize to him and we become friends and start talking and texting with each other. He moves, but we stay sorta close and I ultimately come out to him, and he surprises me by coming out as gay as well. He also says that he had a crush on me when I was being rude to him. Naturally, I still think he's really cute and would love to date him, but he lives an hour away and I'm not sure if I want to date him because I have a crush or if I just want a boyfriend. I was also so rude to him, and I feel bad and everything, but he forgave me very easily and quickly. What if he's just using this as a way to get back at me. And if he isn't, he might not like me anymore. What do I do?[/wiki]
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Pity » 12th August, 2017, 11:30 pm

First, you should decide if you like him as a person or if you just think he is cute. There is no point in dating someone if your personalities clash beyond compromise. I say this because I feel like dating should be viewed as a long-term commitment and should not date the first person you find cute out of desperation. :P Find out if you think he is interesting, what his likes and dislikes are, and if you two click. If you think you two would be a match and actually have a crush on him, go ahead and tell him that you have feelings for him and only bullied him because you did not know how to process it. After you figure out how well of a couple you all would be, you will have to consider and judge if being an hour away works. Are you both willing to travel to see each other? I hope I was insightful. Good luck. :heart:
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Kaspar » 13th August, 2017, 7:14 am

Actually, I would even suggest going for it and telling your friend that you had a crush on him too at that time, but was too scared/didnt know what to do, so you behaved the way you did. It might turn out his feelings for you are still there, and he is just hiding them, as you do too. A difference of an hour is really insignificant if you two are made for each other :heart: Alternatively you can try to ask how he feels about you now. Anyway, good luck, keep us updated about what happens, ok? :)
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby mrdanyy » 13th August, 2017, 7:20 am

WOLFwag wrote:[wiki]OK, so two years ago, before I officially came out to anyone,
I met this cute guy at my school and I developed this weird kind-of crush on him, where I'm jealous of him but I also like him. Because I was still trying to suppress my sexuality, I was super rude to him and basically made his life miserable for half of the year. Fast forward a year and a half, and I apologize to him and we become friends and start talking and texting with each other. He moves, but we stay sorta close and I ultimately come out to him, and he surprises me by coming out as gay as well. He also says that he had a crush on me when I was being rude to him. Naturally, I still think he's really cute and would love to date him, but he lives an hour away and I'm not sure if I want to date him because I have a crush or if I just want a boyfriend. I was also so rude to him, and I feel bad and everything, but he forgave me very easily and quickly. What if he's just using this as a way to get back at me. And if he isn't, he might not like me anymore. What do I do?[/wiki]



Well, either just hold off a bit with telling him you had a crush on him and see for a while till you make sure he genuinely likes you, or as Kaspar said, tell him if you just want to lift the burden off guilt a bit, because as a wise man once said "The worst pain one can induce, is guilt". Other than the fact that that wise man was me, it is pretty much true. Either way, I say date him, whether telling him you had a crush or not, just give it a chance. Nothing bad can come out of 2-3 dates, but at least by then you'll most likely have made out whether he really likes you or is pretending.

Oh, and an hour is nothing, my girlfriend and me live 4 hours away, yet we meet up every other weekends, or stay at each other for a couple of weeks depending on school/work. So, we made it work, if you do like him, and he likes you. Eventually, you'll fall in love, and no distance can do a damn against love.
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Peekaboo » 13th August, 2017, 11:58 am

WOLFwag wrote:[wiki]OK, so two years ago, before I officially came out to anyone,
I met this cute guy at my school and I developed this weird kind-of crush on him, where I'm jealous of him but I also like him. Because I was still trying to suppress my sexuality, I was super rude to him and basically made his life miserable for half of the year. Fast forward a year and a half, and I apologize to him and we become friends and start talking and texting with each other. He moves, but we stay sorta close and I ultimately come out to him, and he surprises me by coming out as gay as well. He also says that he had a crush on me when I was being rude to him. Naturally, I still think he's really cute and would love to date him, but he lives an hour away and I'm not sure if I want to date him because I have a crush or if I just want a boyfriend. I was also so rude to him, and I feel bad and everything, but he forgave me very easily and quickly. What if he's just using this as a way to get back at me. And if he isn't, he might not like me anymore. What do I do?[/wiki]

I think you should tell it to him straight if you haven't already. Express your worries and what your cautious about, why he was so happy forgive you etc, although if this may be strenuous then you don't have to.
I agree with Kaspar about making sure you like him for him (rather then him just being cute) so yeah... Just keep talking to him for the time being and if it's meant to be then it'll happen. :)
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby WOLFwag » 14th August, 2017, 8:04 am

Thanks for the advice everyone! I have an update:

We talked through Snapchat yesterday, and I apologized for bullying him but didn't tell him why I did bully him, and he said it was fine and that it was totally water under the bridge. I managed to work through my feelings too, and I definitely like him for more than his looks. Later in the conversation, he told me that he still likes me, and I confessed that I liked him before and I was struggling with that feeling, which is why I bullied him. I also said I was lowkey crushing on him now too. We flirt for the rest of the conversation, and I end up inviting him to a party tomorrow. He said he could come, so I'm really excited about that. Any more advice on how to proceed?
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Kaspar » 14th August, 2017, 8:16 am

YAAAS GIRL :heart: Wow it's really great :D Actually, for the date meeting :eli: we can't help you much! Just generally be yourself, when talking with him, try to ask about him, his hobbies etc., be interested in him. If you guys both feel the same thing, the will be no problem with keeping the conversation! :heart: I'm happy for you! Tell us how it went later :P
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Pity » 14th August, 2017, 10:19 am

Oooo, congratulations! :D I guess you should try to be as fun ans interesting as possible. I would avoid talking about the past since that could make things awkward. Good luck, dude. :heart:
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby c70 » 14th August, 2017, 12:52 pm

Congratulations! Just be yourself and talk about things that you two have in common. Have Fun!
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby WOLFwag » 15th August, 2017, 10:32 pm

Wow, umm, plot twist. So, he canceled last minute on the party, said he couldn't get a ride, come to find out from a mutual friend that he was trying to get back at me for how horrible I was to him two years ago. I guess he thought that playing with my emotions would hurt me bad, but luckily, I didn't have the hugest crush on him in the first place. Seriously though, if any of my other crushes had tried this, I'd be heartbroken, so thank god it was this one. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm absolutely fine and will resume my life by crushing on Colton Haynes and obsessing over Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda!
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Kaspar » 16th August, 2017, 3:39 am

So wait, he was lying about liking you back too? Urgh
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Kaspar » 16th August, 2017, 3:40 am

I'd suggest talking to him personally though, as friends are not the best means of communication sometimes.
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Re: What should I do?

Unread postby Peekaboo » 22nd August, 2017, 5:55 am

Kaspar wrote:I'd suggest talking to him personally though, as friends are not the best means of communication sometimes.

I can confirm this from first hand experience! :thumbsup:
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