Coming out

This is the place to discuss and get advice about things like coming out and relationships. Everyone is expected to be courteous here.

Coming out

Unread postby Monkey1212 » 30th July, 2017, 11:11 am

I'm new here because I need advice and the only person I trusted to tell this kind of stuff to died. Yesterday my sister wrote "I'm Gay" on my arm so I started saying it as a joke. But when I said it, it just felt right. I'm not sure though. Parts of my family are very close minded and I'm scared that if I am possibly bisexual they would hate me. I don't know what to do.
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Re: Coming out

Unread postby JuhO » 30th July, 2017, 12:28 pm

First of all, hello and welcome to the forum Grace! Feel free to to make an introduction thread if you are planning to stay here longer (which we hope of course :keke:) so we can get to know you better!

But then, to your actual question... I'm rly bad at giving advice so sry if this isnt helpful at all but I think the most important thing is that you know that you are not in a rush. There is no need to hurry coming out to people, especially the closest ones, if you don't know how they'll react and even if you are not completely sure what you are. And that is prefectly okay, you don't need to put a label on yourself at this very moment, tomorrow, next week or even ever but I mean it can help then telling people if you like girls or girls and boys or just boys or something else :P
I'm sorry to hear that you lost a person that close and important to you but you said that parts of your family are close minded so maybe you can start telling the close people you have that you know that are more open minded about these things? Your friend or sister perhaps. I know it is very difficult but after you tell the first person, telling it second time will be a bit easier and so on. I came out to my mom not a long ago after thinking about it like forever and thinking all the things that could go wrong and so on but she took it very well and idk what was the big deal with that. :P But anyway, I wish you all the best with whatever you then decide to do! Good luck! :keke:
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Re: Coming out

Unread postby Pity » 30th July, 2017, 1:48 pm

Hey there, Grace! :heart:

Honestly, I would not rush into this too fast and place labels on yourself.. You kind of have to "know" that you are gay if that makes sense. By that, I mean no one suddenly becomes gay because saying words "felt right." Because you indicated that you are "not sure though," please wait a bit and really try picturing being gay. Can you close your eyes and imagine romantically loving and having sex (when you are the right age) with the person of your same gender?

Right, so let us assume now that you are indeed gay or bi. Probably the best way to do would be to casually tell the people (or person) you trust the most, whether it be a family member, friend, or both. Messaging someone over text or calling someone on the phone probably removes a lot of the awkwardness that comes with coming out, so do not feel like the only way you have to come out is with an emotional monologue to all your family at your birthday party.

In conclusion, just take it slow, review your options, and figure what works best to you. Ask yourself a variety of questions like "Will this person tell *insert homophobic person*?" or "How will *person* react?" or "Do I want to do it in person or not?" I hope it all turns out well for you! :)
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Re: Coming out

Unread postby Scorpius X-1 » 30th July, 2017, 9:18 pm

Wait on coming out until you're more sure of your sexual orientation. I came out to my immediate family after I developed a big crush on a guy, the most intense I'd felt, and that removed doubts from my mind.

Have you ever had a big crush on someone of the same gender? Or can you imagine loving someone of the same gender, as Pity said? These are questions you should ask yourself before you prepare to come out.
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Re: Coming out

Unread postby c70 » 30th July, 2017, 11:07 pm

Hi Grace, :)

If you plan to stay, you will find this forum is full of very useful tips on when and how to come out.

Like many of the others have said, there is absolutely no rush to come out to anyone. Even coming out to someone you know will be accepting (like a friend) requires a lot of self confidence. My advice is to not rush into coming out, but do so when you feel emotionally ready for any type of reaction. When you are ready, what I did is come out to some friends before I came out to my parents. That way you have some additional support that might not have been there before.

Feel free to introduce yourself in the introduction thread and let us know how it goes.
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Re: Coming out

Unread postby Monkey1212 » 31st July, 2017, 12:36 am

Thanks for all your advice. I guess I'm just scared and I feel a bit overwhelmed. I haven't ever had a legitimate crush on someone of the same gender as me but I have thought that they were cute (like in a romantic way). ill have to think about this for a long time before I even consider saying anything to anyone. thanks everyone :heart:
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