How to deal with a crush...

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How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby JuhO » 19th February, 2017, 6:28 am

So as the title says I do have a crush. Which is weird. I don't have a lot of crushes. Like I have had maybe two or three crushes before this one. (And they have been the unfortunately common straight crushes.) But this time things are kinda different: We met on the internet last spring/summer and just chatted for quite much the whole summer. Then we both became rly busy with school and stuff and we didnt chat the whole autumn/winter until I saw him at a one party in the beginning of January (its an annual party for the art high schools in Helsinki, we go to different schools) and then sent him a msg again (bc Im too socially awkward to just go say hi to a "half friend" at a party...). We then started to chat more again and I just somehow then developed a crush to him (he is rly cool and fun and rly musical and artistic kind of person). We had pretty good conversations and I thought that he liked chatting with me as much as I liked chatting with him and I felt like that for once I could have somekind of chance with a guy but then.... he ofc already has a bf... He just kind of blurted it out someday, kind of in a weird context, thought it was a bit odd but then again I ofc felt rly heartbroken, sad, dissapointed and hopeless... Rly hopeless... And now I just dont rly know how to deal with this... I havent told him that I kinda like him but I dont think that I should either, it probably wouldnt help anything. I just kinda wanted to share this as I havent rly told anyone about this (except few friends who rly werent any help...) and wanted to just ask how to go on with this and try to get over him and yeah... idk this is again just rly messy post :P Also sry I haven't been rly active on the forum lately (like I ever were...), I have been rly busy with everything... But yeah... reply if you have somekind of advice or just general thoughts about this... ty in advance :hug:
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby TheBrunswickian » 19th February, 2017, 7:16 am

As I sympathise with the situation and I've been there half a dozen times. It is hard when someone you could see yourself being with, is with someone else. You just have to be a good friend and wish them well, and be happy for them. It will sting, it always does but you just have to carry on. You've still got all the time in the world to find someone.
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby Angelic Haze » 20th February, 2017, 8:03 am

Jesse is right here, you just have to kinda accept things for how they are and be a good friend about it. It's not a particularly nice thing to find out but sometimes life's a bitch and we just have to let it pass. I know how you feel though, planned to start dating a guy recently who I started to really like but somebody beat me to it. Just goes back to the saying "Life's a bitch and then we die". Hope you're ok though.
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby Pity » 20th February, 2017, 8:09 am

I haven't been in this situation, so I am sure Jesse knows what he's talking about.

It sucks, but I would probably just end the relationship between him unless you both are comfortable being just friends, which I cannot personally see working out, until he either develops feelings for you or they break up. Perhaps another day or another boy.

Good luck :)
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby JuhO » 20th February, 2017, 9:30 am

Thank you for your responses, I think I just do have to accept that life indeed is a bitch and try to continue being just friends with him as I don't want to cut him out of my life either.
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby GoldDustStevie » 6th April, 2017, 1:27 pm

TheBrunswickian wrote:As I sympathise with the situation and I've been there half a dozen times. It is hard when someone you could see yourself being with, is with someone else. You just have to be a good friend and wish them well, and be happy for them. It will sting, it always does but you just have to carry on. You've still got all the time in the world to find someone.


I think Jesse hit the nail on the head here. I have/had/ I don't even anymore, a crush on my one friend who is straight, and he's exactly what I'd look for in someone, but he's looking for a girl right now, so all I can do is be a supportive friend, and be happy for him. It'll take awhile but the feeling will pass, and you guys will still be great friends :)
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby JuhO » 21st July, 2017, 8:51 am

Soooooo I haven't got over him xD But this time things are a bit more positive I think, I have spoken about this to few of you in the chat but I thought to make a post anyway here.... So the boy I kinda like broke up with his boyfriend like 1,5 months ago and I have no idea if he likes me or not and idk if he is even looking for a new relationship atm but idk... things are still a bit messy in my head but I try to cover up the relevant things and then ask some questions :P

So the Helsinki Pride day (the parade day I mean) was on 1st of July and like a week before that we chatted one night after we hadn't chatted for quite a long time and then he told me that he had broken up with his bf and asked if I was going to go to the Pride and if I needed someone to go the Pride with, I could go with him. And then we agreed to at least meet that day at some point bc I had promised to go with few of my friends. But then the last friend of mine I was supposed to go to the Pride with cancelled the day before and then I had no friends to go with. Which was kinda fun bc then I could go with the crush boy but I was also kinda terrified bc Im rly rly awkward person... :D But I then sent him a msg to ask if I could join him/his friend group for the parade and we then agreed to meet on the train station to catch the same train bc finding one person from the crowd of 30k ppl is kinda difficult....

And then the next day I almost missed the train we were supposed to go with (go me....) but I made it anyway. The train ride was a bit awkward bc we havent rly talked that much and Im rly bad at small talk (or at any talking tbh xD) but we then chatted a bit and then found his friends at the park where the parade was gonna start from. He had a lot of friends/ppl that he knew from there and I was kinda awkwardly like "idk any of you but heyyy" but what was the kinda weird part that he actually did spend the almost all day with me. Not his friends but me. We kinda ditched one of his friend groups at the parade and just walked the two of us and chatted and when the parade got to where it was gonna go we tried to find his friends from the rly big crowd and then some ppl that I knew. But as I said, finding few ppl from such a big crowd is goddamn hard and it was pretty cold day so we just then wandered a bit around and then went to sit on one hill in the park under his rainbow flag :P (One girl actually came to us and wanted to take a pic of us bc "we looked so cute together"... it was a bit awkward then but we got surprisingly good over the awkward moments and silences...)

Our friends then messaged us and we found where they were so I went to find my friends (from school) and he went to find his. But he then told me that there was this "after party" in few hours and asked if I was gonna come there. I hadn't heard anything about that party but then agreed bc i mean why the hell not. And then after the few hours we met again and went to the party which we then found out that was mostly full of 14yo lesbians.... But we decided to stay anyway bc there was okayish music and we found one corner where were beanbag chairs so we went to like just lay down there. We didn't have any that special conversations but we at least had some convos :P But then come the a bit confusing parts of the evening... I havent gotten my hopes up and I have probably overthought these things but during the evening at some point he said to me that I smelled nice :P And bc im awkward person idk if thats just a casual thing to say to another person or not... and the same goes with asking me to dance with him (the last slow dance). But like I mean, I dont complain, it was pretty nice :P Also, when we where heading back to homes in the train he may have pulled the tinder trick or then he is just excited about it. Bc he turns 18 in next month and then he started to tell me how excited he is about starting to use tinder then. And I was a bit awkward (again...) but one thing that I dont rly like in myself is that I dont show that much feelings that I have so I just gave him some short answers and didnt like panic or anything like that. But then my friend told me the next day that ppl use that tinder talk to see if ppl like them or nah... But idk, it was a bit weird :P He also said at some point of that convo that he is rly bad at hitting on people... But anyway I had rly fun day and it was rly nice but kinda scary to spend almost the whole day with someone you dont know that well and I hope that he didnt feel like he had to "babysit" me or anything like that bc my closer friend group couldnt come there so he just had to keep me company.

He then someday after that put on his sc mystory that he had bought some horror movies and if someone wanted to come see some of them with him they should msg him. And bc im smooth af i ofcourse messaged him and we then agreed to meet someday. And we did! He lives in another city (well its more like town maybe) but gladly its like 15 mins on train to get there. And he met me on the train station then and we walked to his place. The first 10 minutes werent as awkward as last time but still idk if its just in my head or then i just rly am very awkward person bc I do find myself in situations were I find it very hard to start a conversation or just casually answer some questions without sounding too boring but also not to ramble too much. But we then ended up watching two movies at his place and after that we listened to some music (well i mean quite a much of it) and had some pretty nice convos and stuff like that. I didnt catch anything that clear signs that he could like me but I mean I get a feeling that he doesnt hate me either, so thats maybe a good thing that at least start with :D

I now realise that I have rambled a bit too much about stuff but at least you know the backgrounds now pretty well (idk though if that rambling was infromative at all :P). So now I need advice on how to move on with this? I dont wanna seem like too intrusive or pushy or anything like that but I still would want to hang out with him some more and maybe try to indicate with some small things that I like him. I have no idea though how to do that... So if you have any suggestions, I'll take them very gladly :D Also, if you have good tips for some basic convo topics (or not that basic) and how to act normally around ppl, I'll take those too :rofl2: As I have said, idk if he even likes me/is interested in me and idk if a relationship is a thing he wants now or what i want now but I feel like I would still want to see where this thing could go, even if its bad/he hates me or something xD But yeah, sry again for just randomly rambling and ty if you have even read it, I appreciate it :keke:
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby Jacketh » 21st July, 2017, 10:25 am

Imma get a cup of tea and read this later. If you haven't had saucy sauna sex yet, I'm gonna' be disappointed.
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby Unseasoned Chicken » 21st July, 2017, 10:33 am

You just gotta go for it Juho! Tell him that you like him, thats really the best way to go about this =P You don't want to have any regrets later on. But also that was so cute to read :hug: I pictures your awkwardness :lol:
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby Kaspar » 21st July, 2017, 10:51 am

Jacketh wrote:Imma get a cup of tea and read this later. If you haven't had saucy sauna sex yet, I'm gonna' be disappointed.


:rofl:


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Dear Juho, first thing - you are an awkward overthinking mess :P The guy clearly invites you out, ditches his friends to spend the whole day with you, says things that are probably supposed to test if you are interested :D I think that these are great signs actually! It seriously looks like he could be interested. So try not to overthink it and go with the flow. How often do you guys chat? Does he start the conversations? Its important :) If he does, is happy to spend time with you and is interested in you, your life, your hobbies etc. - it means he is probably into you. I wouldn't take it as a definite yes, but when you notice him clearly start something, don't hesitate to show that you are interested in him too. If he likes you, he will get it and then something nice might happen :) I wish you the best, update us with any new info! :heart:
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby JuhO » 21st July, 2017, 11:21 am

Jacketh wrote:Imma get a cup of tea and read this later. If you haven't had saucy sauna sex yet, I'm gonna' be disappointed.

Smh Jack.... (though tbh lets hope that comes in the future then xD)
Ethán wrote:You just gotta go for it Juho! Tell him that you like him, thats really the best way to go about this =P You don't want to have any regrets later on. But also that was so cute to read :hug: I pictures your awkwardness :lol:

Pls dont picture my awkwardness..... :D But yeah thx for that :keke:
Kaspar wrote:OT:
Dear Juho, first thing - you are an awkward overthinking mess :P The guy clearly invites you out, ditches his friends to spend the whole day with you, says things that are probably supposed to test if you are interested :D I think that these are great signs actually! It seriously looks like he could be interested. So try not to overthink it and go with the flow. How often do you guys chat? Does he start the conversations? Its important :) If he does, is happy to spend time with you and is interested in you, your life, your hobbies etc. - it means he is probably into you. I wouldn't take it as a definite yes, but when you notice him clearly start something, don't hesitate to show that you are interested in him too. If he likes you, he will get it and then something nice might happen :) I wish you the best, update us with any new info! :heart:

Yup, that's me! :gay: :dunno: :rofl2: But yeah idk... we dont chat that much tbh, mostly just commenting each others mystorys or so. He kinda invited me to come watch this other horror movie to his place sometime but I was awkward and we didnt actually set anything up yet. I probably should just message him someday now but Im just rly bad at casually starting any conversation, even in sc.... And as I said I dont want to seem like too pushy but then again it could show that Im interested in him.... As you have probably noticed Im rly bad with ppl :lol: But thank you Kaspar for that advice and I'll update you guys if something happens! :P
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby Littlenorthernboy » 21st July, 2017, 1:00 pm

JuhO wrote:Soooooo I haven't got over him xD But this time things are a bit more positive I think, I have spoken about this to few of you in the chat but I thought to make a post anyway here.... So the boy I kinda like broke up with his boyfriend like 1,5 months ago and I have no idea if he likes me or not and idk if he is even looking for a new relationship atm but idk... things are still a bit messy in my head but I try to cover up the relevant things and then ask some questions :P

So the Helsinki Pride day (the parade day I mean) was on 1st of July and like a week before that we chatted one night after we hadn't chatted for quite a long time and then he told me that he had broken up with his bf and asked if I was going to go to the Pride and if I needed someone to go the Pride with, I could go with him. And then we agreed to at least meet that day at some point bc I had promised to go with few of my friends. But then the last friend of mine I was supposed to go to the Pride with cancelled the day before and then I had no friends to go with. Which was kinda fun bc then I could go with the crush boy but I was also kinda terrified bc Im rly rly awkward person... :D But I then sent him a msg to ask if I could join him/his friend group for the parade and we then agreed to meet on the train station to catch the same train bc finding one person from the crowd of 30k ppl is kinda difficult....

And then the next day I almost missed the train we were supposed to go with (go me....) but I made it anyway. The train ride was a bit awkward bc we havent rly talked that much and Im rly bad at small talk (or at any talking tbh xD) but we then chatted a bit and then found his friends at the park where the parade was gonna start from. He had a lot of friends/ppl that he knew from there and I was kinda awkwardly like "idk any of you but heyyy" but what was the kinda weird part that he actually did spend the almost all day with me. Not his friends but me. We kinda ditched one of his friend groups at the parade and just walked the two of us and chatted and when the parade got to where it was gonna go we tried to find his friends from the rly big crowd and then some ppl that I knew. But as I said, finding few ppl from such a big crowd is goddamn hard and it was pretty cold day so we just then wandered a bit around and then went to sit on one hill in the park under his rainbow flag :P (One girl actually came to us and wanted to take a pic of us bc "we looked so cute together"... it was a bit awkward then but we got surprisingly good over the awkward moments and silences...)

Our friends then messaged us and we found where they were so I went to find my friends (from school) and he went to find his. But he then told me that there was this "after party" in few hours and asked if I was gonna come there. I hadn't heard anything about that party but then agreed bc i mean why the hell not. And then after the few hours we met again and went to the party which we then found out that was mostly full of 14yo lesbians.... But we decided to stay anyway bc there was okayish music and we found one corner where were beanbag chairs so we went to like just lay down there. We didn't have any that special conversations but we at least had some convos :P But then come the a bit confusing parts of the evening... I havent gotten my hopes up and I have probably overthought these things but during the evening at some point he said to me that I smelled nice :P And bc im awkward person idk if thats just a casual thing to say to another person or not... and the same goes with asking me to dance with him (the last slow dance). But like I mean, I dont complain, it was pretty nice :P Also, when we where heading back to homes in the train he may have pulled the tinder trick or then he is just excited about it. Bc he turns 18 in next month and then he started to tell me how excited he is about starting to use tinder then. And I was a bit awkward (again...) but one thing that I dont rly like in myself is that I dont show that much feelings that I have so I just gave him some short answers and didnt like panic or anything like that. But then my friend told me the next day that ppl use that tinder talk to see if ppl like them or nah... But idk, it was a bit weird :P He also said at some point of that convo that he is rly bad at hitting on people... But anyway I had rly fun day and it was rly nice but kinda scary to spend almost the whole day with someone you dont know that well and I hope that he didnt feel like he had to "babysit" me or anything like that bc my closer friend group couldnt come there so he just had to keep me company.

He then someday after that put on his sc mystory that he had bought some horror movies and if someone wanted to come see some of them with him they should msg him. And bc im smooth af i ofcourse messaged him and we then agreed to meet someday. And we did! He lives in another city (well its more like town maybe) but gladly its like 15 mins on train to get there. And he met me on the train station then and we walked to his place. The first 10 minutes werent as awkward as last time but still idk if its just in my head or then i just rly am very awkward person bc I do find myself in situations were I find it very hard to start a conversation or just casually answer some questions without sounding too boring but also not to ramble too much. But we then ended up watching two movies at his place and after that we listened to some music (well i mean quite a much of it) and had some pretty nice convos and stuff like that. I didnt catch anything that clear signs that he could like me but I mean I get a feeling that he doesnt hate me either, so thats maybe a good thing that at least start with :D

I now realise that I have rambled a bit too much about stuff but at least you know the backgrounds now pretty well (idk though if that rambling was infromative at all :P). So now I need advice on how to move on with this? I dont wanna seem like too intrusive or pushy or anything like that but I still would want to hang out with him some more and maybe try to indicate with some small things that I like him. I have no idea though how to do that... So if you have any suggestions, I'll take them very gladly :D Also, if you have good tips for some basic convo topics (or not that basic) and how to act normally around ppl just be yourself, I'll take those too :rofl2: As I have said, idk if he even likes me/is interested in me and idk if a relationship is a thing he wants now or what i want now but I feel like I would still want to see where this thing could go, even if its bad/he hates me or something xD But yeah, sry again for just randomly rambling and ty if you have even read it, I appreciate it :keke:


damn it was close that I would had seen you there then. Was about to go to "after party" as well but then couldnt get inside when was there some 45 mins beforehand. It started raining a bit and there was nowhere to hide from the rain so :/

damn xD

Just say it. If you do not care if it goes good or bad, then go for it :D

Also, start msging him bit more
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby c70 » 21st July, 2017, 6:49 pm

That was really cute to read that all :)
I think you should tell him how you feel. I don't think there is a much better time than the present. Good luck.
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Re: How to deal with a crush...

Unread postby JuhO » 22nd July, 2017, 5:49 am

Littlenorthernboy wrote:damn it was close that I would had seen you there then. Was about to go to "after party" as well but then couldnt get inside when was there some 45 mins beforehand. It started raining a bit and there was nowhere to hide from the rain so :/

damn xD

Just say it. If you do not care if it goes good or bad, then go for it :D

Also, start msging him bit more

Awh, well maybe next year then :P
c70 wrote:That was really cute to read that all :)
I think you should tell him how you feel. I don't think there is a much better time than the present. Good luck.

But yeah, I should msg him more often and then see after that how things seem like and if I should tell him how I feel....Ty guys! :keke:
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