Thinking about seeking medical help

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby fivetangent » 18th June, 2018, 4:00 pm

Hello everyone.
I'm kind of a new blood here, although i already made a post here on this website..
That post was about a crush i had on a guy, that turned out to be waaaay more serious that i'd ever imagined and now it's kinda reflecting on my mental health. I'm talking about this post (viewtopic.php?f=9&t=75789), you can read it if you want so you can kinda understand what i'm going through.

Long story short, all of my friends thought that guy was gay and i began having a huge crush on him.. not only because ''he was'' gay, but because he acted gay around me/our group of friends and even once came out as gay to me, but denied being it a few days after. We are like best friends... but i want to be more than that.

It began with just a small crush, then i fell in love with him... and now it has gotten to the point where i can't stop thinking of him! Giving me anxiety, isolation in some cases, etc...

I came out as gay to him around the same time he came out to me aswell, but although he denied it, i confirmed him that i was gay... and he was the first person to ever know that... i know he is 100% for the gay rights and loves the LGBT community, and he loves me aswell, he wants to do everything with me, like, moving out to another country, matching tattoos, get the same piercings i have... seems like he has a huge crush on me (there are many factors that make me think that... to many to mention at the moment) and my friends think the same.

But he denies being gay and doesn't feel attracted to the same sex in any way , and all of those things like messages saying ''I love you, full homo'' (this was the last message he sent me actually, a few hours ago while i was talking with him about me coming out to some of my friends), and those snapchats he sends me saying that he is gay, gay sex related jokes, etc... are only creating false hopes for me and that bothers me mentally.

Today i came out to a friend of mine who i know is super supportive, and he told me that he even thought we were dating when he first met him because of the way he acted around me, a few friends of mine asked me if he was my boyfriend because of how much i talk to him on the phone and my friend said ''Yeah, i don't have any doubts you 2 are dating, have you seen the amount of time you spend with each other?'' and that's true, matter in fact, my crush even told me that he has concentration issues at school, and he gave me as an example this: ''One second i'm at school trying to pay attention, the next one i'm thinking about you and how i can't wait to get home to play with you'', that's why we text each other alot, we can't stay away from one another for a long period of time.


I don't have any close gay friends to talk to, and the anxiety regarding all of this is growing bigger and bigger every single day, it's starting to eat me alive, to the point where i have to hold my tears or else i'll start to cry in public, i haven't come out to my family, only to my crush and that friend which to i came out today... but of course i don't want to tell how i feel about him because i don't want to ruin our friendship.. i could talk to my friend, but since he isn't gay, i don't think he'd ever understand my pain... i'm seriously thinking about going to a psychologist, but i don't think it would work since, you know, that person may not understand my pain at all.



Has any of you even gone to a psychologist regarding your sexuality? Do you think it's even necessary or i should just talk with my friend about all of this?
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby Zephyrus » 18th June, 2018, 4:23 pm

A psychologist would understand, that's their job. If you feel like you need to see a psychologist, you should - let's not beat around the bush here, if you feel like your mental health isn't the best because of this, you should probably try to talk to someone. However, he seems quite understanding and I think you should talk to him about all this. If he's not interested in you, he needs to cut it out because all it's doing is giving you false hope and clearly upsetting you - and that's what you should make clear; but, if he's interested in you, then hey, that's great, and you don't have to worry anymore. You can also talk to your friends about it too - as much as you think they mightn't understand, they probably will, and, on the off chance they don't, they will still listen and will still give you advice - better advice than we could give as they're in the situation with you and know you (and the guy) better. :P
Also, if you don't have many close gay friends, I would recommend joining the discord (if you haven't already) and getting to know everyone. We'll be able to give you more advice if you need it and it might help you to take your mind off all this. :keke:
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby Dolly » 18th June, 2018, 4:57 pm

Yeah, mixed emotions can be really annoying to deal with. I don't really think a psychologist is necessary, but a counselor or therapist would be good to talk to.
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby fivetangent » 18th June, 2018, 8:11 pm

Zephyrus wrote:A psychologist would understand, that's their job. If you feel like you need to see a psychologist, you should - let's not beat around the bush here, if you feel like your mental health isn't the best because of this, you should probably try to talk to someone. However, he seems quite understanding and I think you should talk to him about all this. If he's not interested in you, he needs to cut it out because all it's doing is giving you false hope and clearly upsetting you - and that's what you should make clear; but, if he's interested in you, then hey, that's great, and you don't have to worry anymore. You can also talk to your friends about it too - as much as you think they mightn't understand, they probably will, and, on the off chance they don't, they will still listen and will still give you advice - better advice than we could give as they're in the situation with you and know you (and the guy) better. :P
Also, if you don't have many close gay friends, I would recommend joining the discord (if you haven't already) and getting to know everyone. We'll be able to give you more advice if you need it and it might help you to take your mind off all this. :keke:


First off, thanks for your advice.
I wish that i could ask him if he is indeed interested in me or not, but i'm to scared to do so and i don't want to damage our friendship.
As for my friends opinion, the one that i came out is the only friend that knows my crush and i know in person. I have a few IRL friends that know my crush and they really like him, but not as well as this one friend of mine. In fact, my crush was the one that suggested me to come out as gay to that friend since he knows he is really supportive.

How do i know that my friends think that he is gay? Because most of them are online friends, and they've all asked me if he was gay or not.. they told me he was very ''sus'' and since i was his best friend, they thought i knew the answer to that (at the time, it was a yes because he told me in private that he was gay.. but remember that he later denied that) and i've asked in some forums online about this whole thing regarding him, some gay people that i don't talk to but know them from Twitter and they all said he was gay, but was in denial.

And thankfully my friend has some really good advices when it comes to relationships and crushes, because he has had lots of them, some were successful and some were not, and told me that he really sounded gay to him and was in denial, and i should just wait for him to come out.... but what if that never happens? :/
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby fivetangent » 18th June, 2018, 8:18 pm

fivetangent wrote:
Zephyrus wrote:A psychologist would understand, that's their job. If you feel like you need to see a psychologist, you should - let's not beat around the bush here, if you feel like your mental health isn't the best because of this, you should probably try to talk to someone. However, he seems quite understanding and I think you should talk to him about all this. If he's not interested in you, he needs to cut it out because all it's doing is giving you false hope and clearly upsetting you - and that's what you should make clear; but, if he's interested in you, then hey, that's great, and you don't have to worry anymore. You can also talk to your friends about it too - as much as you think they mightn't understand, they probably will, and, on the off chance they don't, they will still listen and will still give you advice - better advice than we could give as they're in the situation with you and know you (and the guy) better. :P
Also, if you don't have many close gay friends, I would recommend joining the discord (if you haven't already) and getting to know everyone. We'll be able to give you more advice if you need it and it might help you to take your mind off all this. :keke:


First off, thanks for your advice.
I wish that i could ask him if he is indeed interested in me or not, but i'm to scared to do so and i don't want to damage our friendship.
As for my friends opinion, the one that i came out is the only friend that knows my crush and i know in person. I have a few IRL friends that know my crush and they really like him, but not as well as this one friend of mine. In fact, my crush was the one that suggested me to come out as gay to that friend since he knows he is really supportive.

How do i know that my friends think that he is gay? Because most of them are online friends, and they've all asked me if he was gay or not.. they told me he was very ''sus'' and since i was his best friend, they thought i knew the answer to that (at the time, it was a yes because he told me in private that he was gay.. but remember that he later denied that) and i've asked in some forums online about this whole thing regarding him, some gay people that i don't talk to but know them from Twitter and they all said he was gay, but was in denial.

And thankfully my friend has some really good advices when it comes to relationships and crushes, because he has had lots of them, some were successful and some were not, and told me that he really sounded gay to him and was in denial, and i should just wait for him to come out.... but what if that never happens? :/



BTW: They think he was ''sus'' because he fitted into a lot of stereotypes.. i know they're dumb, but at the same time, they make a little bit of sense... for example, he never had a girlfriend, never showed interest in girls around any of them (i think he only showed interest in a girl once with me, and that was because i kept on asking him if she was his crush, and i think he used that as a way to hide is sexuality by saying yes), he told me that he doesn't like flirting with them or even start a conversation (although he flirts alot with me), and does/likes a lot of things that some of them think it's ''girly''... for example, doing his eyebrows, wants to paint his nails, has a unicorn phone case, his keyboard has the LGBT flag pattern, likes do dye his hair... i know those are plain dumb and i don't agree with stereotypes, but they think that way
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby Sinner » 19th June, 2018, 10:49 am

Honestly, I think you often can tell whether flirting is serious or not. Have you ever tried asking him how he feels about you, instead of asking him what his sexuality is? The two questions are very different.

About seeking medical help, personally, I'd much rather talk to someone I know. Such as your parents or a close friends. You should keep in mind getting too serious can ruin your friendship, if you're reading his signals wrong. He is obviously flirting with you, and if he does that knowing your gay as a joke, I don't think he deserves to be your friend either way.
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby fivetangent » 19th June, 2018, 10:25 pm

Sinner wrote:Honestly, I think you often can tell whether flirting is serious or not. Have you ever tried asking him how he feels about you, instead of asking him what his sexuality is? The two questions are very different.

About seeking medical help, personally, I'd much rather talk to someone I know. Such as your parents or a close friends. You should keep in mind getting too serious can ruin your friendship, if you're reading his signals wrong. He is obviously flirting with you, and if he does that knowing your gay as a joke, I don't think he deserves to be your friend either way.



Well... i never asked him what he feels about me... i know for a fact that he really likes me, like, i consider him to be my brother, and he calls me his brother aswell. I once asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend (as a joke at the time), and he told me no because ''wouldn't that be incest?''

He does know i'm gay and he is the most supportive person i've ever known, and i don't think he would do that on purpose to hurt me/my feelings, because that just isn't him, he is such a sweet person and cares alot about his friends. For example, today i had one of my finals at school, and after i finished it i noticed that he had sent me a message saying: ''GL on your finals, you can do it, love you ♥''.. and a couple of months ago, i was participating in an e-sports tournament and after we lost at the final, he was the first one texting me saying that he was super proud of me and cheering me up.. and of course, that ''love you'' at the end. So yeah, he cares alot about me and his other friends and i don't think it would ever be his intention to hurt me in any way
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby Zephyrus » 21st June, 2018, 4:30 pm

fivetangent wrote:
Zephyrus wrote:A psychologist would understand, that's their job. If you feel like you need to see a psychologist, you should - let's not beat around the bush here, if you feel like your mental health isn't the best because of this, you should probably try to talk to someone. However, he seems quite understanding and I think you should talk to him about all this. If he's not interested in you, he needs to cut it out because all it's doing is giving you false hope and clearly upsetting you - and that's what you should make clear; but, if he's interested in you, then hey, that's great, and you don't have to worry anymore. You can also talk to your friends about it too - as much as you think they mightn't understand, they probably will, and, on the off chance they don't, they will still listen and will still give you advice - better advice than we could give as they're in the situation with you and know you (and the guy) better. :P
Also, if you don't have many close gay friends, I would recommend joining the discord (if you haven't already) and getting to know everyone. We'll be able to give you more advice if you need it and it might help you to take your mind off all this. :keke:


First off, thanks for your advice.
I wish that i could ask him if he is indeed interested in me or not, but i'm to scared to do so and i don't want to damage our friendship.
As for my friends opinion, the one that i came out is the only friend that knows my crush and i know in person. I have a few IRL friends that know my crush and they really like him, but not as well as this one friend of mine. In fact, my crush was the one that suggested me to come out as gay to that friend since he knows he is really supportive.

How do i know that my friends think that he is gay? Because most of them are online friends, and they've all asked me if he was gay or not.. they told me he was very ''sus'' and since i was his best friend, they thought i knew the answer to that (at the time, it was a yes because he told me in private that he was gay.. but remember that he later denied that) and i've asked in some forums online about this whole thing regarding him, some gay people that i don't talk to but know them from Twitter and they all said he was gay, but was in denial.

And thankfully my friend has some really good advices when it comes to relationships and crushes, because he has had lots of them, some were successful and some were not, and told me that he really sounded gay to him and was in denial, and i should just wait for him to come out.... but what if that never happens? :/

I understand that you're worried about ruining the friendship, however, it is clearly having an impact on your mental health as you said earlier. The issue that I have with all this is that he treats the "friendship" like a relationship and it isn't fair on you, because you can't figure out his true intentions. Sure, if he is in denial, he may get over it soon, but it isn't fair on you in the meantime, and I think you need to get a bit selfish.
But, I can imagine how difficult this could be for you to do - to actually confront him about his sexuality. Because, if he isn't gay, it isn't fair for him to mislead you and that's why you need a straight (or gay) answer from him. And, if he is in denial about it, this could force him to consider his sexuality and perhaps come to terms with it. Honestly, while confrontation is obviously scary, it is probably your best option - it will get you closure, whereas waiting for him to come out doesn't.
My advice for you, especially considering the mental health impact this has had on you, is to be selfish. Think about yourself. Take a break (from him) if need be, to re-evaluate things and to build courage. But, personally, I think talking to him and getting an answer from him is your best option. Hope this helps. :keke:
fivetangent wrote:
Sinner wrote:Honestly, I think you often can tell whether flirting is serious or not. Have you ever tried asking him how he feels about you, instead of asking him what his sexuality is? The two questions are very different.

About seeking medical help, personally, I'd much rather talk to someone I know. Such as your parents or a close friends. You should keep in mind getting too serious can ruin your friendship, if you're reading his signals wrong. He is obviously flirting with you, and if he does that knowing your gay as a joke, I don't think he deserves to be your friend either way.



Well... i never asked him what he feels about me... i know for a fact that he really likes me, like, i consider him to be my brother, and he calls me his brother aswell. I once asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend (as a joke at the time), and he told me no because ''wouldn't that be incest?''

He does know i'm gay and he is the most supportive person i've ever known, and i don't think he would do that on purpose to hurt me/my feelings, because that just isn't him, he is such a sweet person and cares alot about his friends. For example, today i had one of my finals at school, and after i finished it i noticed that he had sent me a message saying: ''GL on your finals, you can do it, love you ♥''.. and a couple of months ago, i was participating in an e-sports tournament and after we lost at the final, he was the first one texting me saying that he was super proud of me and cheering me up.. and of course, that ''love you'' at the end. So yeah, he cares alot about me and his other friends and i don't think it would ever be his intention to hurt me in any way
If he cares about you in this way, you should be able to talk to him about this stuff. Just be honest about how the mixed messages make you feel and hopefully he'll give you an answer, whether it is the one you want or not is a different issue, but it should be closure enough.
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Re: Thinking about seeking medical help

Unread postby fivetangent » 9th July, 2018, 1:39 am

Hey guys, just here to give you a little more updates on this whole thing.
I've been dealing pretty well with this whole thing recently, don't know why... maybe it's because it's summer and we're on summer break, so now we spend a lot of time together. I really want to open up to my only IRL friend that knows that i'm indeed gay, but i don't feel that confidence and i still don't think he would be able to give me advises regarding me liking this other dude.
As for me and my crush, i think we've been doing pretty well (as always). Funny thing, i was finally starting to acknowledge the fact that he might not be gay at all... but recently it all changed, now i'm even more positive that he is gay. Why so? Well, if you don't remember, he has concentration issues at school, and goes to a psychologist because of that. She asked him what would he like to do most this summer, and he replied with: ''The only thing i want this summer is to buy a plane ticket and visit *me*'', and he is constantly asking when i'm going to visit him this summer (i have plans to do so, don't know when tho).
Ohh, and yeah.. what for me gave away the fact that he was gay was that he really wanted to see ''Love, Simon'' with me. He told me that they played that film on his school but he didn't went to that class because ''he really wanted to see it with me'' basically since it was released, maybe he thought i didn't know the film, but he said that we would love it and described it as ''a cute movie''... little did he know that i've already seen that movie, but i still told him i didn't so i could watch it with him. Well, we really liked the movie, i said it was the best movie i've ever seen (no joke, it actually is) and he told me he loved it aswell... but at the end of the movie, he asked me something that got me by surprise. He asked: ''Well... don't you have anything to say?'', which i didn't know how to reply to that, so i just said ''I really liked it'', to which he replied ''Wow, only that? I was expecting something else.''... maybe he wanted me to confess to him? Maybe was this a way for him to tell me that he feels the same about me? Heck, either i'm overreacting or i just lost my best shot in dating him... but let's face it, i really find weird that we went from watching comedies, thriller and disney movies to a gay romance from out of nowhere, like, he doesn't even like romantic films, wtf?

Either way, i'll just wait a little longer and see where this goes... and try my best in order for this thing to f*** my life all over again, i've been trying to hang out a little more, most of my friends are all back from university for summer break, so i'm trying to spend more time with them so my crush isn't the only thing that goes through my mind.
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