What does being gay mean for you?

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

What does being gay mean for you?

Unread postby WinterIsHere » 11th January, 2018, 10:30 am

Hey guys,

I have been pondering this question for a while. What does it really mean to be gay to the individual?
I have reached a point in my life where I am pretty sure I might be gay. Up until now, I tried to avoid the topic in a weird state of admiring girls while noticing guys. Truth is, there are several layers that really terrify me and keep me from figuring out who I really am as a person.

Growing up in a small town in Iceland, my family is very traditional and my parents and grandparents are not accepting of non-traditional relationships at all.
I have three older brothers, one is married and has kids, one is engaged and the other is not yet in a relationship. We are all really close but I cannot relate to their desire to form a family and marry a woman. The thought of disappointing them by liking guys breaks my heart.

The social level of being "gay" is really scary to me. It seems there is still so much stigma and prejudice involved with the topic and even the thought of being "different" is really scary in a community based on family and group-based society.
Do you think we will ever reach a point where we will not have to come out as gay but merely fall in love with whomever?


One of the main reasons for my thoughts is my best friend. We grew up together and we are together all the time. We are in a weird place where we are like brothers but not. Over the years, I had to admit to myself that I am attracted to him and that I am absolutely in love with his personality and looks after we sort of hooked up casually one day. Things have happened since like stealing kisses or holding hands, cuddling etc. all sweet and innocent.

No one knows and because we are so close, our siblings (especially his sister) call us out on our close friendship and they joke about us getting married one day because we are losers and will never find girls who might like us. My brothers call us fags as a joke. My friend and I never really talk about the situation but let the whole thing happen every time like cuddling and kissing over a campfire or sleeping in the same bed when sleeping over.

I have tried dating girls in the past but it never worked out and I never wanted a relationship beyond friendship. My friend, over the past year, has been seeing this girl but they are on and off and he says he is not sure what he wants from her. She is really pushy, though, and I have to say I'm jealous but I try not to interfere. I tried bringing up the topic several times but I never knew how but he shut it down like "stop being so strange today." From time to time, he sets me up with a date when we go out and do stuff as a group but it only makes me feel worse.


Whenever, I'm not with him, though, I feel like a central part of my life is missing and I could not imagine growing older without him. I know it sounds naive but my biggest with is for us to be together forever.

This is where my question ties in, telling my family is not an option (mainly due to my conservative grandma) and I'm scared to admit to myself I like him. I don't want things to change but I also want to let him know how much I care about him without ruining things.
My biggest fear is people reacting badly and seeing me differently if I tell them.

Therefore, I would like to ask you, what is your experience with feeling towards being gay, self-acceptance, dealing with family and telling others? Do you have any advice on these thoughts?


This topic is really dear to my heart, thank you so very much!
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Re: What does being gay mean for you?

Unread postby Dolly » 11th January, 2018, 11:53 am

Being gay to me just means I feel romantically attracted to other males instead of women. There is no wildly different lifestyle I am subscribed to because of my sexual orientation. Whatever stigmas exist are only there because of stereotypes; not everyone behaves the same. You should admit to yourself and your best friend that your feelings are more than sexual. I don't think there is any room to question whether or not he is interested in you because of the kisses, hookup, and holding hands. In a few decades, perhaps there will be no reason to come out. Don't feel rushed about coming out to your family yet. If you're only just now trying to come to terms with your own orientation, you don't need to tell them. Do you know if your family would cut you off financially or socially? Some families are traditional but not to the point where they would disown their children. Best of luck. :)
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Re: What does being gay mean for you?

Unread postby Sokol » 11th January, 2018, 12:19 pm

Being gay just means being able to only fall in love with other men, to me. No other words needed, to be honest.
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Re: What does being gay mean for you?

Unread postby wolbre04 » 11th January, 2018, 1:12 pm

Being gay means a variety of things for me. Beyond the obvious being attracted to men, it is a sense of identity and happiness for me, as being able to express it freely is liberating and makes me feel more comfortable. It also means that I have unique experiences compared to some of my straight friends, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
My immediate family is generally accepting, and it's important that (if you do decide to come out) you can set aside enough time to explain the situation and communicate that you're not any different than before and that you aren't making any huge life changes to family. Additionally, (and Sokol gave me this wonderful advice when I was new to GTF before I came out), if you feel like your family might not be very accepting, don't come out to them until you are able to financially and emotionally support yourself or have a friend or relative who can help you. Even though most parents wouldn't, the threat of being kicked out is terrifying and you want to make sure you have a decent idea of what you would need to do.
I personally would have to forgo college in favor of getting an apartment if it didn't go as well as mine did.
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Re: What does being gay mean for you?

Unread postby WinterIsHere » 12th January, 2018, 9:49 am

wolbre04 wrote:Being gay means a variety of things for me. Beyond the obvious being attracted to men, it is a sense of identity and happiness for me, as being able to express it freely is liberating and makes me feel more comfortable. It also means that I have unique experiences compared to some of my straight friends, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing.
My immediate family is generally accepting, and it's important that (if you do decide to come out) you can set aside enough time to explain the situation and communicate that you're not any different than before and that you aren't making any huge life changes to family. Additionally, (and Sokol gave me this wonderful advice when I was new to GTF before I came out), if you feel like your family might not be very accepting, don't come out to them until you are able to financially and emotionally support yourself or have a friend or relative who can help you. Even though most parents wouldn't, the threat of being kicked out is terrifying and you want to make sure you have a decent idea of what you would need to do.
I personally would have to forgo college in favor of getting an apartment if it didn't go as well as mine did.



Thank you, I think those are really important points.
For the moment, I don't think telling my family is the best idea; I just don't want them to find out accidentally.

As for my friend, I think it would be a great relief to be able to talk about it more openly but he (subconsciously) blocks attempts to do so. I don't think he is ready to talk and I accept it. What really confuses me, though, is the fact that he "distracts" from the topic whenever we get close to addressing it by doing stuff like saying "I don't want to talk, let's just make out." I don't know what this means for both of us.

For now, I want to respect his relationship with his gf but it's hard when they break up frequently and we spend so much time together which leads to affectionate gestures between us.
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