Was i really born gay?

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

Was i really born gay?

Unread postby syredronning » 2nd August, 2017, 10:14 am

I know this is a touchy subject but recently this underlying feeling that i somehow wasn't born gay has been bothering me.
I'm a 16 yr old guy and i know for a fact that i'm gay in the sense that i could only imagine and want to have sex with another guy.
There have been rare occasions where i've had an unwanted sexual response to the female body but i never really doubted that i only want to be with guys. (just to clarify i'm completely comfortable and happy being gay)

So lately me being a chronic overthinker has put this idea into my own head that for some reason my homosexuality was caused by influences and experiences from the outside. Some years ago i also had this stupid phase where i was still confused about my sexuality and i tried to convince myself that i was gay. This phase was really the opposite of the typical gay teenager experience, where one would try to convince themselves that they're straight. This is making me upset because i personally believe (and want to believe) that you are born with your sexuality.

Has anyone else had this feeling? and what was your experience coming to terms with your sexuality?
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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby Abdeltyf » 2nd August, 2017, 10:30 am

I did have this feeling, Peter. You're not alone.
I'm 17 and for the past year, I've had a few unwanted responses to the feminine body as well. At some points, I felt as if I'm just convincing myself that I'm gay. I knew I was gay since I was 13, and it was frustrating when it was starting to feel as if I'm swinging to the opposite sex, right now, when I'm deeply engrossed in my studies and thought that sexual orientation was something I've already dealt with.
But, as the chronic overthinker I am as well, I started thinking - why did I think I was gay in the first place?
Then I remembered. When I was 5 years old, I always wanted to stay with that green-eyed cute boy all the time. When I started elementary, I always had boy friends and also a lot of girl friends, but when I think of it, I've never talked about relationships to girls before. The idea of liking a boy has never been "implanted" in my brain, heart, or dick. It has always been there. My silly girl crushes weren't really crushes; when I said a girl was pretty, it wasn't because I was aroused or that I got in love - even gays can appreciate a female's beauty.
Think of the "roots". Even though being bi is totally okay and wouldn't change a thing, never fall into doubt again. It made me lose track in vain. I'm not telling you that you ARE gay, or am forcing you to stay that way - you're the one to figure that out by yourself. It's just that I along with a lot of other people have experienced those weird urges, and it's totally natural. Think of it as a process. It's either a phase, or a revelation.
In my opinion, I was born this way, and with time, those doubts faded slowly. And very recently, my belief in my sexual orientation wildly strengthened.
I say, just give it time. It's up to you after all. And whoever you like, it's totally okay.
Last edited by Abdeltyf on 2nd August, 2017, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby MCarr » 2nd August, 2017, 10:32 am

Well, the causes for homosexuality aren't clear, but the most accepted hypothesis is that it is genetic; although external influences and experiences may be involved.
I would recommend watching this video. I found it quite informative.

In relation to coming to terms with my sexuality, when I first suspected I was gay, I assumed I was a curious heterosexual, then it changed to bisexual before I finally realized I was gay and that there was nothing wrong with that.
"I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole"

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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby Dolly » 2nd August, 2017, 11:48 am

I still have this feeling and probably always will, so you definitely are not alone! I also admit to being a chronic overthinker, so I guess it is not too much of a surprise. Personally, throughout my childhood, I never had any concrete moments that could be considered gay, but I do remember liking a few feminine things. I dated a girl, I had crushes on girls, I fantasized about girls, and I preferred to have guys as friends, but that all changed roughly between 13 and 14, so it was not a gradual change or anything. I guess the only advice I can offer is what I am doing: dealing with it. Try not to think about it. Try to tell yourself that "at this point, why does it matter?" I hope I was of some help and wish you the best of luck! :heart: :gay:
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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby Scorpius X-1 » 2nd August, 2017, 5:52 pm

I have had unwanted sexual attractions to women. Unwanted because I know that I'm not attracted enough to actually have sex with women.

I am 18 and still trying to come to terms with my sexual orientation, because it has shifted from "romantic attractions to women" to "sexual attractions to men, and romantic attractions to both sexes" over the last year. I only started having strong sexual attractions to men in June.

In school, I would realize that some guys are hot. When watching a movie I'd watched before, a male actor that I'd never been attracted to before would look hot. It's so confusing.

I guess I'm a late bloomer with my orientation. The orientation I'd had before was the orientation that most other guys have in middle school, I guess.

Maybe next I'd develop sexual feelings for women? Or will I just keep my new orientation of biromantic homosexual? I have no idea.
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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby c70 » 2nd August, 2017, 9:11 pm

Im 17, and I know im gay. I have very strong romantic attractions to guys and moderate to strong sexual attractions to guys aswell. But, something about the typical male stereotype never left me. Up until i was 15, i convinced myself that I was straight. But, I realized that all my crushes were on guys. I had not had a single crush on a girl.

I think most people here have this feeling. And to be honest, It is possibly due to the stereotypes we grew up with. Just remember feelings that you have now are completely normal, but nothing is going to radically shift.

Im sorry if this doesn't really help. Its hard to give advice when you are pondering the same questions.
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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby Powerdwarf » 3rd August, 2017, 8:19 pm

I can imagine straight people having random gay thoughts, and vice versa for us. I do occasionally have straight thoughts.
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Re: Was i really born gay?

Unread postby Adyuto » 4th August, 2017, 12:06 pm

I've had similar thoughts to yours. I was raised mostly by females and thought that somehow my sexuality was influenced by this. However, after considering the fact that this is common with a lot of my family members and they are far from gay/bi, I realized that I probably was trying to connect dots that weren't there. That being said, as others have noted, the science behind determines a person's sexuality is still uncertain and still being explored. So don't worry, you're not the only one who thinks this. :)
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