I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Unread postby Kaydence18 » 1st March, 2017, 6:03 pm

I always knew I wasn't quite gay completely. I am attracted to men. I'm predominantly homosexual in sexual attraction. I've never felt I need to have a life partner that is a man in the sense I mean like I can fall in love with a man or woman. Ive generally come out and am vocal more about guys I like. Never have been with women. I don't really want to be bisexual. Because no one really seems to think guys can be bisexual. Imanyhow like 90-95% of the time only attracted to men. Ive had urges at times to kiss or something like that with a woman but I never actually think about sex. Doing it with a woman. A wild fantasy is to like have a foursome with two hot guys and one super smoking chick. I like boobs. How they look. I have thoughts when I see a topless woman... I only watch gay porn though and I only really fantasize about men. I'm a bottom so I like dick quite a lot and have since I started puberty had a lot thoughts men I like a man's height size touch etc.... I like basically the whole package. My type of girl kind of is more on personality and a few other things. But I have crushes on guys and some girls. I've been in a shitty relationship for 2 years with a married man. I believed for a long time that he actually did care about me. And he went on and off as far as sometimes acting like I don't exist and other times would act like I had a chance at all. It was a terrible relationship. Thats the only relationship ive been in. And no one knew about it except one friend but I am out to everyone if not technically. Its assumed I'm gay.... By my friends and family. I explained when I was 14 that I wouldn't have any gf because I'm gay. Well at 14 I didn't quite realize anything outside of the sexual side of my sexuality. Emotionally I'm flexamorous. I had a crush though at that time but she didn't like notice me at all. So I figured its a once in a while thing. Plus idk how sexual I feel for women I do kind of fancy. But anyhow ive been seeing a woman and really could see our relationship being long term. I like her as a person more than anyone I've initially met. Well if we become officially boyfriend/girlfriend. What should I say? I mean I'm openly known as gay. I know I'm probably not but am most of the time. So... How do I take it back? I'm 18 btw. Advice?
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Re: I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Unread postby Pity » 1st March, 2017, 6:27 pm

Sexuality is fluid, so there is no need to stick with either heterosexual or homosexual. It really does sound like you are bisexual even though you assume people would not believe you. As far as taking back the fact that you're gay, I really don't think you need to; if someone asks, just say you're exploring or that you could be bisexual. Just go with a flow, but make sure you are not hurting your female partners either; it isn't fair for them that they are being used as experiments. I hope everything goes well. :P
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Re: I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Unread postby JonathanT88 » 1st March, 2017, 8:06 pm

You take it back by telling those it may concern that you've had a change of feeling, and you now identify as bisexual (or if not that, someone who is sometimes capable of attraction towards women). It really is that simple, and while some people might find it a bit odd I'm sure they'll come to terms with it.

There's no need to put a strict label on yourself. 'Bisexual' is simple and uncomplicated, meaning people are more likely to 'understand' you, but realise that you're only telling others for their own convenience. Your own more complex feelings about sexuality needn't be determined by what you tell others.
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Re: I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Unread postby Kaydence18 » 1st March, 2017, 9:30 pm

Pity wrote:Sexuality is fluid, so there is no need to stick with either heterosexual or homosexual. It really does sound like you are bisexual even though you assume people would not believe you. As far as taking back the fact that you're gay, I really don't think you need to; if someone asks, just say you're exploring or that you could be bisexual. Just go with a flow, but make sure you are not hurting your female partners either; it isn't fair for them that they are being used as experiments. I hope everything goes well. :P



I've always felt sexually I'm just homoflexible more so than bisexual. With my romantic interests I am bi or pan. But sexually I normally like guys. And even when I like a woman it's not that deep. I never think about sex with a woman... Actual sex. It's not even something I think I've ever wanted to do.
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Re: I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Unread postby Kaydence18 » 2nd March, 2017, 2:43 pm

JonathanT88 wrote:You take it back by telling those it may concern that you've had a change of feeling, and you now identify as bisexual (or if not that, someone who is sometimes capable of attraction towards women). It really is that simple, and while some people might find it a bit odd I'm sure they'll come to terms with it.

There's no need to put a strict label on yourself. 'Bisexual' is simple and uncomplicated, meaning people are more likely to 'understand' you, but realise that you're only telling others for their own convenience. Your own more complex feelings about sexuality needn't be determined by what you tell others.


I've looked at sexual orientation and romantic orientation. They're supposedly two different entities. I'm biromantic but I'm homosexual. I guess its a bit complex to explain its easier to just say bi. But bisexuality is from my experience equated to female sexuality. Not for men really. Which is why I don't want to seem like I just don't want to be gay anymore. Because I'm the same as I was before. I just didn't think I had to lay out every remote inclination I might have you know.

From what I'm reading its confusing whether biromantic homosexuals are bi or gay I think generally speaking this sub category is gay. I do have some flexibility with my own sexuality. But only like I said 5%-10% of the time and still not consistently.
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Re: I'm not gay am I? I came out as gay? How do I take it back?

Unread postby Kaspar » 2nd March, 2017, 4:00 pm

Of course its not necessary to put a label on yourself but from what you described i would agree with your opinion about being homosexual and biromantic. That is if you want to be very specific and you don't have to really. I, for example, like both boys and girls but boys a lot more and more sexually, but still just say im bi cause who cares really? Try your best to understand and grasp the feelings, then, if you want to, identify or say whatever you feel like. While telling other people, I don't suggest saying you "changed your mind" but rather discovered new sides of your sexuality maybe? Its important cause you didn't change, its just the label that has changed :thumbsup:
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