Confused is life

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

Confused is life

Unread postby ninjasnowflake » 5th February, 2017, 3:26 pm

So ive been reading stuff on this page for ages without actually making a user-

And now i figured it was time to do it cuz 5 years of wtf is this bullshit is enough for me :)

What is this bullshit you ask? Yeah let me tell you-

I am biologically born as a girl- which does not make me feel right- in a long periode i thought then i had to be transgender cuz like if i wasnt comfortable being a girl i had to be a boy- but no- that wasnt right for me either- sure i feel more comfortable looking boyish, but i have no desire to change my given gender--

This gave me problems with my sexuality as well- one problem seldom comes alone-

Well in 7th-9th grade i was like most 'girls' having crushes on guys- but those days are over- ive now had a girlfriend and im pretty sure that romantically i can better see myself with a girl. I find girls attractive and yeah thats pretty much it. I have no desire to actually touch a girl in anyway and straight/lesbian porn kinda scares the fuck out of me- dont ask me why cuz i have no clue-

Which is why i watch gay porn- guys are great k- but the thing is i do like watching that- but i have no intentions of actually doing anything like that (if it was possible). I also write gay romance and somehow this seems to like be what i prefer as romantic shit. But that makes me question if i have no chance of actually finding something/someone/anything which will 'suit' me.

Ive considered the fact that i might be asexual, but then i dont get why i enjoy writing/watching/reading shit like that.

Anyways i generally have absolutely no interest of engaging myself in a sexual act- but on the other hand i feel like thats just because i dont feel comfortable being like i currently am- i came to this conclusion due to the fact that i actually did want to 'please' my girlfriend- but have no desire to 'fully' be involved in it.

Woop woop- someone enlighten me wtf is wrong with my head :)

If ive confused you in anyway about wtf im saying- youre welcome :)
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Re: Confused is life

Unread postby Kaspar » 5th February, 2017, 4:26 pm

Hey, first thing - I very much respect that you decided to share your story and problems, its not that easy, especially in a complicated situation. I won't tell you anything new here , but... gender is fluid . You partly identify as a male and a female and its ok, no need to choose one and throw away part of you. In the matter of sexuality I think that you might be asexual, having no interest in sex, but feel romantic feelings for your partner at the same time. I can't tell you anything new, really, because you know yourself better. No one here will give you a specific "diagnosis" or anything like that. Its just that we're born that way. If you need to chat or talk about it some more, feel free to pm

"Welcome to reality. Fundamentally nothing matters, just try not to be a dick. Thank you."
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Re: Confused is life

Unread postby Pity » 5th February, 2017, 4:44 pm

As you said, the way this is written is quite confusing. Are you sure you are not just a more masculine girl? If you do not have the desire to be a boy, it seems as if you are content and female. While gender is not fluid, your expression is, which is what may be confusing you.

As far as sexuality, I wouldn't make much of it. Sex may not seem attractive to you now (granted, I have no clue how old you are), but it's possible you may like going with the flow with your girlfriend or even another partner in the future. Just do whatever makes you comfortable; not everyone likes sex. Your infatuation with gay sex is probably just a kink. There are plenty of straight girls who also like watching gay porn and Lord knows how many boys are into lesbian porn. It is possible you're asexual, but it is also possible you just haven't experienced it yet.

Just go with the flow; do what makes you happy.
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Re: Confused is life

Unread postby ninjasnowflake » 6th February, 2017, 2:24 pm

EnStorBjörn:
Thank you a lot tbh-
To be honest i have been thinking the exact same as you (though im leaning more towards being nongendered or whatever its called)- but its nice to hear a second opinion to be confirmed that that could actually be right :)
At times i feel like i know other peoples better than myself- but yeah i guess in the end you are right-
I like putting things into boxes to like get the chaos inside my head sorted somehow - which is probably why this bothers me a lot :)

Pity:
Im pretty sure im not a masculine girl-- It makes me very uncomfortable when people call me a girl. I am 100% sure that i dont feel content as a girl- But ive come to terms with the fact that i unfortunately am one- :)

I am 20. Ive been "exposed" to the idea of sex since i was 13 due to my best friend back then being very mature for her age-- and yes back then i did consider what youre saying now-- that it would come at one point- but yeah it never did :p

the thing is- nothing really makes me comfortable- ouo Like most of the time i dont really feel comfortable around other people in general- But yeah i guess youre right, though i feel going with the flow is what ive done the past 5 years and im honestly kinda sick of it- :)

But thank you! I appriciate hearing your thoughts - it makes me think :)
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