Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

What homophobia have you experienced?

I have never experienced/witnessed homophobia
4
8%
Use of "gay" as a derogatory term
39
81%
Expression of anti-gay beliefs with a religious motive
22
46%
Expression of anti-gay beliefs for any other reason
28
58%
Verbal abuse towards you
28
58%
Physical abuse towards you
5
10%
Trial and execution by the Iranian government
2
4%
 
Total votes : 128

Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Mawd » 2nd February, 2017, 11:08 am

Oh plenty of times mostly when I was in boarding school or later in a university town, or anywhere that has drunken nights out.
Plenty of the usual just light fare mocking look kind of thing whenever I've dressed too colourful for someone.
A decent amount of the gay, fag, you must be inferior, delicate, emotional pussy kind of thing. A little of you must be fucked in the head or mistaken to think that kind of thing.
A whole lot of awkward, uncomfortable, damaged relationships with people, when some people find out they either treat you like you don't exist or make you feel like a lesser second class citizen. Its usually someone who's super arrogant and conceited. Probably wealthy or at least very proud of themselves. They treat it like a weakness, like letting them know gave them a kind of power over you; they treat you like you're ashamed of it because they think you should be or assume you would be.
Some people just stop trying to be your friend altogether, even if you really seem to get along, either they're uncomfortable or it'd be a bad look for them. Looking back I think I've had a small but fair amount of relationships with other closeted people destroyed by them having homophobic friends.

Finally there's a never ending amount of 'mad lads' who will flip their shit if they found out and will try and fight you/generally intimidate you for no reason and even if they don't actually start throwing punches they'll act like they're doing it out of fairness, generosity, being the bigger man.
I've had guys try and bounce me and my boyfriend out of parties they weren't invited to.
I've seen people on the edge of red rages on learning that I like boys and girls.

I haven't really had to deal with the physical fights or the verbal ones (frequently) for a while and the best trick was to just stop going out to town on weekends but all the bullshit I've had to go through means I'm pretty quick to be aggressive and confrontational when someone's being an obvious shit.
I can't politely ignore people trying to start shit, especially in town; I've tried and it just isn't for me. I'll blast any cunt that gets in my face; I'll always tell them how shameful and dumb their actions are.
In daylight in civil places I'll just de escalate politely and talk to someone about their behaviour. I might have an angry spark but I'm not that senseless.

I mean within reason I will call out homophobic bullshit but how I do it relies on context. Im not dying on a hill over some fuckwit's ability to call something unfair, gay.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby GaycrazyBoi » 2nd February, 2017, 5:01 pm

At my old school, I came out to one person. He blackmailed me and outed me to my crush. They harassed and once, one of them actually attacked me. My new school is little better. Calling someone a "faggot", a "queer", "gay" isn't so much permitted as encouraged. Being trans is even worse. They nominated a trans girl a homecoming king, one guy sexually harassed me, others blatantly ignored my coming out, and tried to "cure" me. Girls harassed a gay boy for a year, while the principal looked the other way and said "the fag deserves it". And, since nobody can prove it, nobody can do anything about it. And these are the more peaceful stories.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Example » 2nd February, 2017, 5:11 pm

GaycrazyBoi wrote:At my old school, I came out to one person. He blackmailed me and outed me to my crush. They harassed and once, one of them actually attacked me. My new school is little better. Calling someone a "faggot", a "queer", "gay" isn't so much permitted as encouraged. Being trans is even worse. They nominated a trans girl a homecoming king, one guy sexually harassed me, others blatantly ignored my coming out, and tried to "cure" me. Girls harassed a gay boy for a year, while the principal looked the other way and said "the fag deserves it". And, since nobody can prove it, nobody can do anything about it. And these are the more peaceful stories.


so sad when even the adults wont help. I remember one time in highschool all the kids were calling me gay and I was like I'm not I'm not and the teacher looks around and was like wait did kyler just say he isnt? and then the whole class started laughing
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby GaycrazyBoi » 2nd February, 2017, 6:23 pm

Example wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:At my old school, I came out to one person. He blackmailed me and outed me to my crush. They harassed and once, one of them actually attacked me. My new school is little better. Calling someone a "faggot", a "queer", "gay" isn't so much permitted as encouraged. Being trans is even worse. They nominated a trans girl a homecoming king, one guy sexually harassed me, others blatantly ignored my coming out, and tried to "cure" me. Girls harassed a gay boy for a year, while the principal looked the other way and said "the fag deserves it". And, since nobody can prove it, nobody can do anything about it. And these are the more peaceful stories.


so sad when even the adults wont help. I remember one time in highschool all the kids were calling me gay and I was like I'm not I'm not and the teacher looks around and was like wait did kyler just say he isnt? and then the whole class started laughing


So, there ARE rude Canadians...

Sorry, off topic. That sucks, but at least it's over.

Yeah, it sucked. Since I couldn't get help, I went out of my way to avoid those situations. Things for me died down before they got too bad, and it's kind of karma. I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I harassed a few gay kids myself. I feel bad for that, and I apologized to them before I moved. It died down a lot after I surrounded myself with people that were pro-gay and had reputations for defending their friends. It also kind of helped that one of the guys who harassed me got outed as gay when someone let it slip that the year before he gave his best friend a blowjob. People who harass me now probably don't even know I'm gay, but they are homophobic, so it wouldn't be to my benefit to say that I am.

Another thing- some kid slapped me two years on the bus because he called me gay and I told him to fuck off(I was being blackmailed at that point, was depressed because my boyfriend had slept with another guy (who was, incidentally, a rapist, and he said it was consentual)). I threatened to stab him if he ever hurt me again (note, this was when I was in 8th grade, he was a Senior in high school, and I'm small and weak, he was big, strong, and athletic) and he told the principal. I was nearly expelled, he got nothing. Luck and disorganization saved my ass from expulsion.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Example » 2nd February, 2017, 6:29 pm

The best way to get revenge is to get better in the end people who treat you like that will stay miserable but most bully victims come out on top cute an successful and a better person. I'm glad things are getting better for you I hope it continues on that path
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby George » 3rd February, 2017, 1:13 pm

Shortly after my 13th birthday, when I had first come out, I actually received absolutely no abuse or discrimination (mostly because I had earnt a reputation for witty comebacks), besides from one other boy called George (how now does BTEC Drama, the poof).

Anyway, he used to call me "Faggot" whenever he saw me. I naturally paid no attention and this rather pissed him off, until one day he cornered me on the playground. Many people turned to stare as he called out "Hey faggot- why is it you don't react to being called faggot? Does the truth hurt?"

Now, I suppose that perhaps, had I been a shy-er person I might have cried. I might have perhaps ran off, of brushed him off. Instead, with little thought, I simply said "Not Really, I know you only know that word because you found it on the business card I left in your dad's wallet".

There was a paused silence.

And then there was hollering and chanting. George went bright red, and never called me Faggot again. Infact, people actually picked on him.


TL;DR: I got a kid bullied for having a bent dad.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Zeus » 6th February, 2017, 4:36 am

Yeah. I've been experiencing for a while and now more these days.
I've been having so much family meetings and my family specially uncle/aunt are so religious. I'm lucifer in the flesh to them!
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Scherzy » 6th February, 2017, 8:04 am

Zeus wrote:Yeah. I've been experiencing for a while and now more these days.
I've been having so much family meetings and my family specially uncle/aunt are so religious. I'm lucifer in the flesh to them!

If it's any help, you're lucifer in the flesh to me too, raph :heart:
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby KrisCross » 6th February, 2017, 11:35 am

Yeah, not that often, Belgium is quite decent when it comes to LGBT acceptance, but I've got some derogatory terms hurled at me when going out a couple of times. I dance really... excessively and hella gay, especially when I've had some wine. Maybe it's because I'm tall and it looks ridiculous or maybe it's because I throw myself so hard, but it usually gathers some attention. Girls tend to be encouraging, but I've had random guys call me 'faggot' and all that for it. One time I even took the stage and had kind of a dance-off with the female dancer and it was great and all until me and my boyfriend went outside to smoke and this dude came up to us calling us fags and did the aggressive 'What did you just say?'-thing when I threw something back at him. Such things always hit hard for me and I can't just shrug it off.

I noticed some people mentioning it's worse with the more wealthy/upper middle class people, which I'm surprised to hear. The upper middle class here is incredibly accepting, but so saturated with handsome, popular, well-dressed gays that have thousands of instagram followers and look down on any homosexual not flaunting at least an equal amount of wealth on their social media. I honestly struggled more with my sense of self-worth because of them, than because of those few homophobic remarks.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Dessy » 6th February, 2017, 12:08 pm

I see it almost weekly tbh. My mom delivered me my first direct homophobia experience. Over the years I basically witness people's disgust toward known queer folks at school and out in public like when a queer person was on TV. The church my family goes to doesn't bother to hide their homophobia (although they moved a bit toward acceptance these last few years). I haven't been really out to like everyone nor am I visually "gay' so it would be unlikely for me to experience it directly but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby GaycrazyBoi » 6th February, 2017, 6:59 pm

Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Ω » 6th February, 2017, 8:27 pm

GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.

Was this necessary? You really do try your hardest to be a dickhead. We all understand what Des meant, the forum is not a place to be correcting everyone's little errors.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby GaycrazyBoi » 6th February, 2017, 9:18 pm

Ω wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.

Was this necessary? You really do try your hardest to be a dickhead. We all understand what Des meant, the forum is not a place to be correcting everyone's little errors.


No, but microaggressions are not the same thing as blatant homophobia. Trivializing true homophobia by labeling it a microaggression will lead us to the same mindset as taking a microaggression as though they told gay people that they are (oh, and this is a lovely, real-world example, that was targeted at me) "faggots are such degenerates that they deserve to die on a cross and Hitler was right to try to exterminate you so that you don't infect the world with your AIDS". Yeah, that is an actual thing I was told. And then they devolved into a rant filled with talk of how gay people need to die. Yes, there are people that bad on this earth. Back to the topic at hand-calling something like that a microaggression does not do the hateful nature of that comment justice. The forum is also not a place to have a fit over a correction in word choice.

Did we not agree to be civil?
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Ω » 6th February, 2017, 9:27 pm

GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Ω wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.

Was this necessary? You really do try your hardest to be a dickhead. We all understand what Des meant, the forum is not a place to be correcting everyone's little errors.


No, but microaggressions are not the same thing as blatant homophobia. Trivializing true homophobia by labeling it a microaggression will lead us to the same mindset as taking a microaggression as though they told gay people that they are (oh, and this is a lovely, real-world example, that was targeted at me) "faggots are such degenerates that they deserve to die on a cross and Hitler was right to try to exterminate you so that you don't infect the world with your AIDS". Yeah, that is an actual thing I was told. And then they devolved into a rant filled with talk of how gay people need to die. Yes, there are people that bad on this earth. Back to the topic at hand-calling something like that a microaggression does not do the hateful nature of that comment justice. The forum is also not a place to have a fit over a correction in word choice.

Did we not agree to be civil?

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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby GaycrazyBoi » 6th February, 2017, 9:36 pm

Ω wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Ω wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.

Was this necessary? You really do try your hardest to be a dickhead. We all understand what Des meant, the forum is not a place to be correcting everyone's little errors.


No, but microaggressions are not the same thing as blatant homophobia. Trivializing true homophobia by labeling it a microaggression will lead us to the same mindset as taking a microaggression as though they told gay people that they are (oh, and this is a lovely, real-world example, that was targeted at me) "faggots are such degenerates that they deserve to die on a cross and Hitler was right to try to exterminate you so that you don't infect the world with your AIDS". Yeah, that is an actual thing I was told. And then they devolved into a rant filled with talk of how gay people need to die. Yes, there are people that bad on this earth. Back to the topic at hand-calling something like that a microaggression does not do the hateful nature of that comment justice. The forum is also not a place to have a fit over a correction in word choice.

Did we not agree to be civil?

New phone who dis?


Pretending I don't exist won't diminish the fact that you have nothing to say to that. I'll wait.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Dessy » 7th February, 2017, 5:51 am

GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.


Mircoaggressions can be intentional or unintentional. Yes they are more subtle and no I wasn't comparing it more blatant homophobia. The casualness of a conversation is all the ingredient you need to make it happens. You don't need to be receiving it to call it what it is, that just means I'm less likely to be affected by these comments. I mean when people are saying "why is that guy so girly?" or "she's hot, she'll be straight once she gets this *laughter*" what else do you call it? It is NOT going to be what you said happened to you.

Mircoaggression is as simple as saying "Bob, the black guy, will be present at the office party" instead of "Bob, fellow coworker, will be present at the office party." It's more than likely you experience one in your lifetime.

While they don't seem too harmful at first, they can build up after a while (hence mirco) and pretty much affect mental health.


And I made no errors here.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby GaycrazyBoi » 7th February, 2017, 3:58 pm

Dessy wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.


Mircoaggressions can be intentional or unintentional. Yes they are more subtle and no I wasn't comparing it more blatant homophobia. The casualness of a conversation is all the ingredient you need to make it happens. You don't need to be receiving it to call it what it is, that just means I'm less likely to be affected by these comments. I mean when people are saying "why is that guy so girly?" or "she's hot, she'll be straight once she gets this *laughter*" what else do you call it? It is NOT going to be what you said happened to you.

Mircoaggression is as simple as saying "Bob, the black guy, will be present at the office party" instead of "Bob, fellow coworker, will be present at the office party." It's more than likely you experience one in your lifetime.

While they don't seem too harmful at first, they can build up after a while (hence mirco) and pretty much affect mental health.


And I made no errors here.


A microaggression would be intentional. If it's not intentional, it's ambiguous homophobia. Microaggressions don't exist, there is just homophobia/racism/sexism of different levels. Diminishing homophobia (or any other kind of hate for that matter) to a "microaggression" is the first step to ignoring the problem. A microaggression would be misgendering a trans person on accident. It's small, unintentional, and irritating as all fuck. But it's something you correct and brush off. To extend the metaphor, transphobia would be intentionally, for no reason whatsoever, misgendering the trans person, while knowing that you are doing so. Microaggressions can be brushed off, and ignored as a one-off thing. Homophobia/racism/sexism isn't something we should diminish to such an insignificant level as to call it a microaggression.
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Re: Have you ever experienced homophobia?

Unread postby Dessy » 8th February, 2017, 1:18 am

GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:
Dessy wrote:but it's a bit amusing and sad to see the microaggressions under the pretense that there's no queer folks around.


Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.


Mircoaggressions can be intentional or unintentional. Yes they are more subtle and no I wasn't comparing it more blatant homophobia. The casualness of a conversation is all the ingredient you need to make it happens. You don't need to be receiving it to call it what it is, that just means I'm less likely to be affected by these comments. I mean when people are saying "why is that guy so girly?" or "she's hot, she'll be straight once she gets this *laughter*" what else do you call it? It is NOT going to be what you said happened to you.

Mircoaggression is as simple as saying "Bob, the black guy, will be present at the office party" instead of "Bob, fellow coworker, will be present at the office party." It's more than likely you experience one in your lifetime.

While they don't seem too harmful at first, they can build up after a while (hence mirco) and pretty much affect mental health.


And I made no errors here.


A microaggression would be intentional. If it's not intentional, it's ambiguous homophobia. Microaggressions don't exist, there is just homophobia/racism/sexism of different levels. Diminishing homophobia (or any other kind of hate for that matter) to a "microaggression" is the first step to ignoring the problem. A microaggression would be misgendering a trans person on accident. It's small, unintentional, and irritating as all fuck. But it's something you correct and brush off. To extend the metaphor, transphobia would be intentionally, for no reason whatsoever, misgendering the trans person, while knowing that you are doing so. Microaggressions can be brushed off, and ignored as a one-off thing. Homophobia/racism/sexism isn't something we should diminish to such an insignificant level as to call it a microaggression.


Back up a second. You said:
GaycrazyBoi wrote:Microaggressions are unintentional and directed at someone subconsciously due to a trait, that the person is aware of the minority that person is a part of. By that definition, you cannot experience a gay microaggression unless the person knows you are gay.

I mean, I don't even believe in microaggressions, but, if they exist, then please be consistent with definitions.


But going off your latest post,

Mircoagressions are a level of bigotry. Understanding mircoagressions is a key to targeting them and reducing their impact. They're being called micoagressions because they are already generally ignored. People really don't see them as fitting into the spectrum of racism, homophobia, etc. I really do not know where you get this idea that calling something that is making it insignificant when it's actually the other way around. This needs context anyway. Using your example, as you said, misgendering someone by accident (that's not intentional btw) is indeed a microagression. It is something to fix and make the other person aware of. But it's not going to be as serious as transphobia on more serious level. You seem to understand this point.

In a casual conversation, it's highly unlikely we would actually say "you've committed a mircoagression". Rather we would just correct them.

I mean it feels like you're arguing just to argue at this point.
---

Catching myself, I'm going stop here as we're getting off topic anyway.
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