ONLINE BFS

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ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Terry J. » 15th January, 2017, 1:37 am

Please tell me what an online boyfriend is, what the advantages and shortcomings of having one are, how to get one, and where it usually goes.
Thank you.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby boiii » 15th January, 2017, 5:09 am

disclaimer: trust at own risk. I speak from no experience what so ever!

well, if you use apps like candid and whisper that are not gay dating apps you can find other gays in gay groups. there are a lot of people asking to trade, some have questions and sometimes someone is asking for an online bf.

I think they usually chat about their day or normal things etc. like (i assume :wtc: ) people do in a relationship. They'll skype or use snapchat to see eachother.

However, and you see whispers like this a lot. An online bf might cheat on you. It is difficult to bind yourself to someone you only see on the internet.

That is I think why most ppl on these apps simply ask to trade. (even then be careful for catfishers. It was on the news a few months ago. They adviced teens to only take nudes where their face in not in) that is if you even want to trade with them.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Hyacinth » 15th January, 2017, 5:51 am

An online boyfriend is an illusion in your brain that you share a deep connection with a person you've never met in real life. If you're under 16-ish, then it serves as means of having fun or enjoying extra drama. I don't know how to get one, but wanted I to know, I'd look around at places like tumblr, basically any place that has a community of gay teenagers with unusual interests other than this one.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Anonymous Boy » 15th January, 2017, 7:32 am

Jan wrote:An online boyfriend is an illusion in your brain that you share a deep connection with a person you've never met in real life.

Ah, that explains how I've been married to my online boyfriend from 2009 for nearly 7 years now! He was an illusion all along :lol:
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Hyacinth » 15th January, 2017, 9:56 am

Anonymous Boy wrote:Ah, that explains how I've been married to my online boyfriend from 2009 for nearly 7 years now! He was an illusion all along :lol:

So you and your husband never met? And are we talking about two grown-ups in their late 20s or teenage boys in here? I think it is generally very highly unlikely for two people to stay together and solely keep in touch via the internet.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Anonymous Boy » 15th January, 2017, 10:57 am

Jan wrote:
Anonymous Boy wrote:Ah, that explains how I've been married to my online boyfriend from 2009 for nearly 7 years now! He was an illusion all along :lol:

So you and your husband never met? And are we talking about two grown-ups in their late 20s or teenage boys in here? I think it is generally very highly unlikely for two people to stay together and solely keep in touch via the internet.

We're talking about an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old who met on this forum, got talking on MSN Messenger, got to know each other and very quickly realised that they were really compatible, developed genuine feelings for each other, began a relationship, and only met up physically for the first time about 5 months later.

It's not like the feelings we had for each other became any more real when we met up than they'd been before. It was just a continuation of what had started online.

Since we lived on different continents and flights were expensive, we were only able to stay over at each other's place a few times during the first year of our relationship (for a few weeks at a time), and it was only after that year that we were in a position to physically get together permanently (first by staying in America for the visa-free maximum of 3 months and then by staying in the Netherlands for the visa-free maximum of 3 months, after which we immigrated to the UK together and got an apartment here).

I hope you can see how it comes across as a bit disparaging to be told that the genuine feelings you had for / connection you had with someone, which led to your marriage, were nothing more than an illusion, just because they developed under unconventional circumstances.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Pity » 15th January, 2017, 11:50 am

I was going to post a really long message, but my internet went out and I lost everything, so tl;dr

@Anonymous Boy you're a very rare exception, not even close to the rule.

@OP, they usually don't work because they're usually started as a way to stop being feeling lonely than out of love.

I had an online boyfriend on ROBLOX that I skyped quite a lot when I was 14. I don't count it as a real relationship.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Hyacinth » 15th January, 2017, 12:17 pm

Anonymous Boy wrote:We're talking about an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old who met on this forum, got talking on MSN Messenger, got to know each other and very quickly realised that they were really compatible, developed genuine feelings for each other, began a relationship, and only met up physically for the first time about 5 months later.

It's not like the feelings we had for each other became any more real when we met up than they'd been before. It was just a continuation of what had started online.

Since we lived on different continents and flights were expensive, we were only able to stay over at each other's place a few times during the first year of our relationship (for a few weeks at a time), and it was only after that year that we were in a position to physically get together permanently (first by staying in America for the visa-free maximum of 3 months and then by staying in the Netherlands for the visa-free maximum of 3 months, after which we immigrated to the UK together and got an apartment here).

I hope you can see how it comes across as a bit disparaging to be told that the genuine feelings you had for / connection you had with someone, which led to your marriage, were nothing more than an illusion, just because they developed under unconventional circumstances.


Well, this thread is not about you. It's about a new user who wants to try something and I'm telling you how I think it usually works. I fail to understand why you're feeling disparaged about my personal opinion. There is nothing wrong with meeting people online, that's how we all met here and many real relations started off on GTF. There are some cases of people trying to find their significant other in a distant place, but it usually doesn't work out. I'm very glad you and Brenden are happy and made it against all odds. I genuinely am. I don't know your story and didn't want to say that it's impossible, but just that it is usually doomed to end. Teenagers and young adults tend to be confused about their feelings and there is stuff that you just cannot convey via Skype calls or text messages.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby muddylegs » 15th January, 2017, 12:58 pm

The whole argument that most online relationships don't last forever usually doesn't matter- if you're lonely, want love and attention, and are willing to give commitment without the need for effort in going out or meeting up, online relationships can fill the gap. Most of the time when you want an online relationship, it's because you're lonely or horny, not because you need to get married before you grow out of your wedding dress :P

When I need someone to talk to, my online friends are there. Most of the friends I've met online- and never met in person- are far closer to me than a lot of my friends irl.

I think an online boyfriend can be all that too, someone to suit your emotional needs.

If without meeting you can have that chemistry with a friend, you can have that chemistry with a lover, surely :keke: It's worked out for me.
[6:50 PM] Flaggermus: muddy you cant just lynch people
[11:09 AM] TheWoahAlex: you can't lynch everyone!
[9:14 PM] Mestaris: MUDDY YOU CANT LYNCH PEOPLE. LYNCHING PEOPLE IS NOT A SOLUTION
[2:32 PM] Zefare: Muddy, you can't just lynch people!
[2:23 PM] bettasnail: you have a thing for lynching ppl don't you
[7:59 PM] AwesomeCDog: muddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy not everyone is ready and willing to hurt others
[9:42 PM] matiboi96: Lol rob you can't just order someone to amputate themselves!

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[5:32 PM] Tyler: Fuck me sideways and call me grandma

[7:38 PM] Mestaris: your fetishes are worse than mine

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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Anonymous Boy » 15th January, 2017, 1:30 pm

Pity wrote:I was going to post a really long message, but my internet went out and I lost everything, so tl;dr

You (and everyone else) need this browser extension: Lazarus: Form Recovery (also available for other browsers)

Refreshing the page or pressing Back also often works if your browser doesn't suck.

Pity wrote:@Anonymous Boy you're a very rare exception, not even close to the rule.

I am perfectly fine with statements like "Long-distance relationships usually don't work out". But even when they don't work out, I think it's very unfair to say that a deep connection experienced by people in these relationships must be an illusion.

Even if a relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason, can't the feelings the people in it had for each other still have been just as real or valid? Surely it's up to people who actually find themselves in these circumstances to determine whether they are or were?

Jan wrote:
Anonymous Boy wrote:We're talking about an 18-year-old and a 20-year-old who met on this forum, got talking on MSN Messenger, got to know each other and very quickly realised that they were really compatible, developed genuine feelings for each other, began a relationship, and only met up physically for the first time about 5 months later.

It's not like the feelings we had for each other became any more real when we met up than they'd been before. It was just a continuation of what had started online.

Since we lived on different continents and flights were expensive, we were only able to stay over at each other's place a few times during the first year of our relationship (for a few weeks at a time), and it was only after that year that we were in a position to physically get together permanently (first by staying in America for the visa-free maximum of 3 months and then by staying in the Netherlands for the visa-free maximum of 3 months, after which we immigrated to the UK together and got an apartment here).

I hope you can see how it comes across as a bit disparaging to be told that the genuine feelings you had for / connection you had with someone, which led to your marriage, were nothing more than an illusion, just because they developed under unconventional circumstances.

Well, this thread is not about you. It's about a new user who wants to try something and I'm telling you how I think it usually works. I fail to understand why you're feeling disparaged about my personal opinion. There is nothing wrong with meeting people online, that's how we all met here and many real relations started off on GTF. There are some cases of people trying to find their significant other in a distant place, but it usually doesn't work out. I'm very glad you and Brenden are happy and made it against all odds. I genuinely am. I don't know your story and didn't want to say that it's impossible, but just that it is usually doomed to end. Teenagers and young adults tend to be confused about their feelings and there is stuff that you just cannot convey via Skype calls or text messages. Congratulations on being an exception.

See, when you say things like "it usually doesn't work out", you sound a lot more reasonable, because then you're actually saying things that are true instead of making generalisations.

Obviously the thread isn't about me, but I happen to have some very relevant experience that contradicts your generalisation.

If you tell everyone that it's a fact that any deep connection they might think they have with someone they know through the internet is illusory, not only is it insulting to everyone for whom that's not the case since you're basically telling them that their feelings aren't real, but you may discourage someone for whom it is perfectly feasible to have a relationship that starts online from pursuing one that might very well work out, which is a sad thought when I consider that that might have been me.
Last edited by Anonymous Boy on 15th January, 2017, 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Hyacinth » 15th January, 2017, 1:51 pm

Anonymous Boy wrote:See, when you say things like "it usually doesn't work out", you sound a lot more reasonable, because then you're actually saying things that are true instead of making generalisations.

Obviously the thread isn't about me, but I happen to have some very relevant experience that contradicts your generalisation.

If you tell everyone that it's a fact that any deep connection they might think they have with someone they know through the internet is illusory, not only is it insulting to everyone for whom that's not the case since you're basically telling them that their feelings aren't real, but you may discourage someone for whom it is perfectly feasible to have a relationship that starts online from pursuing one that might very well work out, which is a sad thought when I consider that that might have been me.

Excuse me? I'm "sounding unreasonable"? It's not me that jumped on someone while being offended by their opinion on something because of having an emotional approach towards the topic. I believe in everything I said before and it was not offensive. If you think otherwise, then you're wrong.

Just because a small fraction of people diagnosed with lung cancer make it out alive, doesn't mean that the vast majority don't. It's the same case with any other generalisation and I don't think it's wrong to do it, if the case is relevant. Your relation is a good example, but frankly, I've heard of only one other couple that managed to stay together in spite of the distance. Sorry if it's discouraging, but it's the truth.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby muddylegs » 15th January, 2017, 2:45 pm

:wtc: This doesn't need to be an argument.

It's probably fair enough to say that it works out when both parties are willing to dedicate themselves to the relationship. It is unlikely that two people who have ever met with both have the same level of dedication.

Whether the relationship works or not is based on you and whoever your online boyfriend might be. Really, it's exactly like a regular relationship, except a lot more difficult as it's far harder to judge character or find that emotional middle ground when you haven't yet met them.
Regardless of what causes it to work or not to work, it's still a case of individual relationships, not blanket statements like 'they don't work', and what someone else has struggled to maintain you might realise is perfect for you. It's difficult to give advice on, other than just saying that it's worth a try because when it's based on you as a person you never really know til you see how it goes.
[6:50 PM] Flaggermus: muddy you cant just lynch people
[11:09 AM] TheWoahAlex: you can't lynch everyone!
[9:14 PM] Mestaris: MUDDY YOU CANT LYNCH PEOPLE. LYNCHING PEOPLE IS NOT A SOLUTION
[2:32 PM] Zefare: Muddy, you can't just lynch people!
[2:23 PM] bettasnail: you have a thing for lynching ppl don't you
[7:59 PM] AwesomeCDog: muddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy not everyone is ready and willing to hurt others
[9:42 PM] matiboi96: Lol rob you can't just order someone to amputate themselves!

ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage

[5:32 PM] Tyler: Fuck me sideways and call me grandma

[7:38 PM] Mestaris: your fetishes are worse than mine

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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Anonymous Boy » 15th January, 2017, 3:32 pm

Jan wrote:Excuse me? I'm "sounding unreasonable"?

You put that in quotes, but I didn't say that anywhere. I said one thing sounded more reasonable than the other.

But yes, now that you mention it, as someone who clearly developed a deep connection with another person through the internet, I can't deny that the statement that that connection was an illusion comes across as unreasonable to me.

Jan wrote:It's not me that jumped on someone while being offended by their opinion on something because of having an emotional approach towards the topic. I believe in everything I said before and it was not offensive. If you think otherwise, then you're wrong.

I'm sorry you felt jumped on — that was not my intention. I'm sure you believe in everything you said and that you did not mean to cause offence. I simply expected that you would be able to see how a generalisation like the one you made might be irksome to someone who had the complete opposite experience.

Jan wrote:Just because a small fraction of people diagnosed with lung cancer make it out alive, doesn't mean that the vast majority don't. It's the same case with any other generalisation and I don't think it's wrong to do it, if the case is relevant. Your relation is a good example, but frankly, I've heard of only one other couple that managed to stay together in spite of the distance. Sorry if it's discouraging, but it's the truth.

Again: it is perfectly valid to say that the majority of long-distance relationships don't work out, but that is very different from saying that regardless of whether they work out or not, the connection between the people involved is an illusion. I hope you can see the difference between those two statements.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Hyacinth » 15th January, 2017, 5:01 pm

muddylegs wrote::wtc: This doesn't need to be an argument.

It's probably fair enough to say that it works out when both parties are willing to dedicate themselves to the relationship. It is unlikely that two people who have ever met with both have the same level of dedication.

Whether the relationship works or not is based on you and whoever your online boyfriend might be. Really, it's exactly like a regular relationship, except a lot more difficult as it's far harder to judge character or find that emotional middle ground when you haven't yet met them.
Regardless of what causes it to work or not to work, it's still a case of individual relationships, not blanket statements like 'they don't work', and what someone else has struggled to maintain you might realise is perfect for you. It's difficult to give advice on, other than just saying that it's worth a try because when it's based on you as a person you never really know til you see how it goes.

I know what you're trying to do. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Anonymous Boy wrote:You put that in quotes, but I didn't say that anywhere. I said one thing sounded more reasonable than the other.

But yes, now that you mention it, as someone who clearly developed a deep connection with another person through the internet, I can't deny that the statement that that connection was an illusion comes across as unreasonable to me.

I'm sorry you felt jumped on — that was not my intention. I'm sure you believe in everything you said and that you did not mean to cause offence. I simply expected that you would be able to see how a generalisation like the one you made might be irksome to someone who had the complete opposite experience.

Again: it is perfectly valid to say that the majority of long-distance relationships don't work out, but that is very different from saying that regardless of whether they work out or not, the connection between the people involved is an illusion. I hope you can see the difference between those two statements.


The illusion part of what I said is completely irrelevant as of itself. It's a part of a larger point I was making taken out of context and important to you for an unknown to me reason. I believe that it's really not possible to have real feelings for someone you have never really met and if you think that you do, then that's a mere illusion. The person you're with is just only partly in reality and partly a projection of your imagination and therefore, so are your feelings toward them. An online couple is two people doing their stuff online. All the stuff being in a normal relationship would convey. It may develop into a normal relationship, but it usually doesn't. I think it's a waste of time, energy and emotions. Also known as something many young teenagers love (and I wasn't an exception either). A lot of people text or sext before meeting up, but usually talking online serves as an introduction to meeting in real life. When it comes to having an online, it's merely pretending to be a couple through a bunch of wires. It's none of my business what other people do, but that's just my opinion.

I'm not going to talk about you and Brenden and relate what I said to it, because I frankly have no idea how it looked like in your case. What you did was pick up what I said and related it to yourself. Once you did that, I followed.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Goobriel » 15th January, 2017, 7:13 pm

All of ya'll are my online boyfriends. <3
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby Dessy » 16th January, 2017, 2:16 am

Terry J. wrote:Please tell me what an online boyfriend is, what the advantages and shortcomings of having one are, how to get one, and where it usually goes.
Thank you.


Obviously a key issue would be the long distance and not really seeing the person... in person. But personally it worked for me while it did. We kept in constant communication and everything. While I am upset that we weren't able to continue the relationship (there was a communication fallout due to both of our devices) I don't really have any regret about it. Of course I wouldn't seek one out over an in-person relationship, but both depends on effort from both parties.
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Re: ONLINE BFS

Unread postby LiamLovesOlly » 23rd January, 2017, 1:37 am

I have had online relationships when I was a little younger, but don't really count them as such. By that I mean I hadn't met the guy physically, not that we connected online first and then proceeded to meet becasue that's fine. I'm not being judgemental and everyone is different but for me having online relationships makes me think of being 15 again and closested, with no way to meet guys. However, it's something that varies for everyone, others might have an online relationship for months and months and never meet the person, or not meet them for ages. You can't force it, and I wouldn't choose online over physically meeting and knowing someone, but if it happens you'd know about it and it's not impossible as seen by the story from AnonymousBoy!
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